I can’t help but experience a visceral reaction when I’m (quite nonchalantly) stalking the guy that I’m talking to, and I discover that his Instagram following is filled solely with female models and actresses. I can imagine the situation, as applicable, is a sore subject for just about every other couple as well.
Sure, the follow button is free on just about every social media platform, but are there costs to it when in a relationship or pursuing one?
Now, I definitely do not think that there is a problem with having a celebrity crush, or even multiple. It’s normal when enjoying a show, movie, or piece of music to develop a sentimental attachment of some kind to the people producing that enjoyment. I even have my own celebrity crushes!
I’m also not here to criticize people’s tastes, that’s what friends are for. Rather, it’s how people act upon these feelings of attraction that sometimes are a cause for worry, especially for people’s significant others.
To put it from another perspective, think: Does their status as a celebrity exempt them from the normalcy of relationships and how we relate to one another? Thinking about it, if my boyfriend pointed out a girl on the street and said that he wanted to use a “hall pass” to get with her, I’d pass away.
Simply put, I think the notion of allowing a “hall pass” in a relationship is disheartening. Even if it all is hypothetical, I wouldn’t want to consider a world where my boyfriend would be able to get with another girl because of her elevated status because it creates unnecessary insecurity.
Often, significant others may overtly compare themselves to the unrealistic standards of their partner’s celebrity crushes. Personally, I would need intensive surgical correction to get the nose of Madison Beer or kill my hair monthly to achieve the blonde hue of Sabrina Carpenter.
Again, having celebrity crushes is perfectly okay, as I think it’s healthy to openly express attraction to a famous person rather than hide it from your significant other; obsessing is different. Let’s discuss the line between attraction and obsession to create healthy boundaries and prevent parasocial relationships for the sake of sustaining real ones.
A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship that someone forms with someone, like a celebrity or fictional character, despite not knowing them personally.
In the era of increasing accessibility to celebrities and influencers through the personal lens of social media, some people have begun to form uniquely concerning parasocial relationships with their favorite models, actors/actresses, and idols. Avid and crazed fans have always been around since the existence of celebrities, but average people have turned to their own private detective initiatives, analyzing and scrutinizing every move recorded by social media and outlets of entertainment in an attempt to score connections with certain popularized individuals.
The energy spent and devoted to a whole other person, who likely does not know that they exist and are unable to even recognize individual efforts due to a vast audience, is likely extremely offputting for one’s partner who is engaged in a very real relationship.
It’s short, not so sweet, and concise: a rather notorious quote from a video titled the same from Youtuber Ludwig Anders Ahgren (referred to more mononymously as Ludwig) draws a definitive line between content creators and those who consume their content. His YouTube video outlines the concern between entertainers and the audience, as the dynamic has become disturbingly misconstrued as time goes on.
Through the emergence of technologically advanced avenues, such as live streams and online meet-and-greets, fans are given the opportunity to interact with their celebrity crushes on more candid levels than ever before. Especially in the streaming world, many fans donate to the streamer to get a chance at grasping their attention or pay absurd amounts of money to have a private call with them.
However, let this be a good reminder that people do not pay others to be their friends in “normal” friendships. But, on the off chance that someone does, I really am a great listener, as everyone says, and my DMs are open.
Celebrities’ friendships are selling points, and when engagement and audiences are at the forefront of creating revenue, I could not imagine sincerity and authenticity being guaranteed in attempting to connect with them.
Social media is a fickle thing. It may give off the impression that celebrities, posting just as everyone else does, are normal people too. However, these posts and profiles are meticulously curated— unless it’s John Cena, because that man and his meme page of a profile are an anomaly— to give such an illusion of intimacy as their online persona becomes a brand to sell and advertise to consumers.
Obsession tends to show its colors in people’s interactions with these celebrity crushes, such as limitless comments on their social media, constantly mentioning and praising aloud whatever is attractive about them, and/or spending copious amounts of money to indulge in whatever products or services they provide.
My general rule of thumb regarding boundaries is that, if it would make me uncomfortable if my significant other did/said the same thing about another person, I should resist doing/saying it.
I would advise refraining from publicly commenting, “My husband!” under a TikTok edit of a handsome celebrity and perhaps cherishing the media privately. Direct incessant compliments to girlfriends/boyfriends instead of people who may never hear them. Instead of donating to a content creator’s stream, treat your partner to a romantic dinner.
At the end of the day, everyone’s relationships are unique, and it’s up to the two people in a relationship to communicate with partners and establish boundaries. For me personally, there is space in my relationship for only two people:
Me and Ryan Reynolds (sorry nonexistent boyfriend).