So, many of you may know The Pattern. It’s an astrology app that doesn’t put much influence on your placements and instead give eerily accurate Daily Vibe updates.
When I say it’s eerily accurate, I mean it. I had a dream that my (now ex) boyfriend cheated on me, and then that morning received a notification titled “Relationship Evolution” that basically said to cut off dead weight. LOL.
On top of that, your profile, instead of showing your birth chart, shows patterns in your life. For example, under Destiny, my pattern is “Charismatic & Courageous” which sounds a lot like something a Leo Rising like me would hope for. You can also calculate your platonic or romantic compatibility with friends or celebrities (Logan Lerman, I’m coming for you).
Pretty good, right? Apparently the way that The Pattern sought to improve their app was to add dating. Yes, you read that correctly. The Pattern: Connect is a corner of the app where you can meet people Hinge-Style. There are prompts you can answer and The Pattern sprinkles in some of their own zest by adding what the stars say about your ideal partner and the way you should be loved.
This is all fine and dandy, but what about once you start looking at other people’s profiles? It’s pretty bad.
Full disclosure, I’m not using a Connect profile seriously. I was curious what the set up was like for an astrological dating app and that’s really it. Since I’m not looking for a connection, maybe I have a neutral perspective, but there’s also a chance I’m leaning towards pessimism. Take what I have to say with a grain of salt.
Big, huge negative right off the bat: you can’t restrict the age or location of the users that are shown to you. So yes, I have been shown men as old as 29 and as far as Saudi Arabia. Forgive me for not wanting to kick off something with someone literally half a world away or in a very different stage of life.
Another grievance I have is that they limit how many profiles you can see per day! I haven’t counted how many it is, but I think it’s in the 15-20 range. The app says that this is so you consider people you wouldn’t normally, likely an effort to get away from societal beauty standards and focusing more on emotional connection, but really?
I feel like you can only put that kind of restriction in place if the profiles are worth considering. Again, I don’t want to connect with someone long distance! That should be something you have control over!
This restriction on profiles per day also made me feel pushed into putting aside my own boundaries or desires in order to make a connection at all. Not to mention, a lot of the profiles, which were men, gave off the involuntarily-celibate vibe. Not in the gamer-wearing-a-fedora-hat way, but in the genuinely atrocious personality way.
Apologies, but it had to be said. Need examples?
Well, first of all, The Pattern’s additions of how a person should be loved has raised a few red flags. I’m absolutely not going to swipe right on a man whose birth chart indicates that he needs to be respected at. all. times. Like, what? No one is getting respect from me unless they deserve it and they have to continue to deserve it. Next.
Another man fully admitted in his “About Me” bio that he doesn’t know what he wants or what he is looking for. Big points for honesty but also get off of dating apps and go to therapy???
Someone else posted photos of himself dabbing, like 2014 swag dabbing, whilst claiming to be “naturally unconventional.” Yes, good sir, you are absolutely unconventional by participating in a 6 year old trend in the year of our lord 2022. With a man-bun no less.
Claiming that you’re an empath loud and proud will also get an immediate no from me. I’ll take a pass on being manipulated, thanks.
Of course there are many more, but these were the ones that I came across in just one day. I would also like to give a shout out to the 19 year old in Ukraine who put in his bio that he is a “boytoy/feels curator.” Keep the vibes up while you can, king.
So, you can probably already tell, but The Pattern: Connect is not worth it. The Pattern is definitely something you should have in your life, but under no circumstances should women looking to date men try their dating feature. It’s so bad that now that I’ve finished writing this article, I’ve already deleted my profile. Save yourself.