It’s Not You, Its Them (JK its the Universe)

As a transfer student, I can absolutely speak on the utter struggle of finding your niche in college. Of course you do not need to be a transfer in order to relate to this, as this is a struggle most students go through. However, since it was a large contributor to my decision to transfer, I can completely attest to the fact that the one mantra that kept me going despite numerous failed friendship attempts was “you’ll end up with who you’re meant to be with”, or more simply put “whats meant for you will find you”. 

We all know the saying “its meant to be” or “everything happens for a reason”, and there are many times in life where we might question this, wondering whether this is the truth, or just something we say to comfort ourselves. Through my experiences, I can see that when it comes to people and relationships, the saying holds up. I have always been a warm and friendly person and never had any trouble making friends in high school. I was quite social, had a close group of amazing friends with stunning personalities and hearts, and was generally well liked. Now this isn’t to go on a narcissistic tangent, I’m just trying to set the scene here. To go from a good social environment in which I was thriving, to suddenly constantly meeting people with whom I just could not connect to, the college experience let me down immensely. Through my 2 year struggle however, I discovered that “whoever is meant for me, really will find me”.

For some reason, I could never relate to anyone in my first university, and those who I tried to communicate with were very quiet or not very communicative back. I did have some lucky breaks where we formed groups during that class, but communication tended to stop as soon as the course was over. This was the cycle that kept happening and I was sick of it. Once I transferred to my current university and found some people who I began to hang out with on the weekends, I realized that I was right all along. You will find who you are meant to find.

 I write this because, if there is anyone struggling out there to make connections and bonds, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many sites don’t talk about potentially not finding your people even after 2 years. Most articles only talk about the initial few months of difficulty or even a year, but never more. I am here to tell you that if you know who you are in your core and you have a good heart, whoever is meant to find you will. This does not mean that you don’t take initiative and don’t actively force yourself to go out and attend meetings, or introduce yourself, or engage in conversation. This just means that when you do these things, and the response is unfavorable, or you find that you keep hitting dead ends, do not give up hope and do not blame yourself. When you find the people meant for you, even if it’s just for a season, things naturally fall in place. 

I went from constantly running into dead ends with people, dull or boring conversations, or just uncomfortable situations, to actively hanging out with a group of friends and not struggling to find some way to hang out. When its the right person/people, it works out on its own. Where you were previously unable to meet up with others, with these new people, you somehow do end up meeting. Where you checked out of the conversation in other instances, you find that you actually are engaged and wanting to participate with these individuals. Where you were left wondering why plans keep falling through, or you are unable to further the relationship past just classmates, you suddenly are hanging out outside of class. I had some major anxiety during week 1 of transferring to the new campus. Every time my scheduling made me cancel plans I immediately panicked, thinking that whoever I was trying to form a relationship with would give up. I thought it would eventually fail like the rest of my prior college experiences. Despite me being someone who is not easily wavered in her beliefs, my first 2 years at college scared me into thinking that all my college relationships were doomed to fail, or that there was a small chance it really was my fault. Life however swooped in and showed me that I was right and when you find the right people, plans falling through don’t stop you from meeting, and people don’t just stop making plans with you once you stop having class together. 

So do not worry, the universe is holding your hand through it all, and you are not alone. We will never stop growing or learning, and we never stop making connections in our lives, so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that you have so much more life to live and you haven’t even met some of the most impactful people in your life yet!

• friendship
• loneliness
• transfer student