“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this. I don’t know if I’m smart enough to do this. I think there’s something wrong with me. Why can’t I just suck it up and be happy?”
Thoughts of this nature plagued me constantly throughout my first year at university. Although, if you’d met me then, you would never have guessed it. I plastered my mouth shut with a smile.
We are consistently fed a false narrative of what university life is like. It is painted as a picture of fun, friends and endless partying. Consequently, the expectations we set for our university experience and for ourselves, is unrealistic.
In reality, university is extremely stressful. For many people, it is the first time that they are away from home, resulting in feelings of isolation and loneliness. I, personally, took for granted that my home and my family acted as my safety net throughout my life. It is not always easy to make friends and develop the support system you need in a foreign environment. Additionally, socializing at university may involve drinking, drug use and nightclubs. This interaction, although enjoyable in short doses, can be as isolating as staying home alone in your room- particularly if clubs are not your scene or you choose to remain sober. In first year, it is easy to overindulge in such activities because of peer pressure or because you are scared to miss out on something you consider fundamental to your university experience, regardless of the emotional toll it may have. It is also common to place heightened importance on sexual interactions as means of connecting in a significant way. This can lead to unhealthy and dangerous sexual encounters as well as decreasing the pleasure of the experience. Combine these feelings of stress and isolation with intense academic and financial pressure, the consequences of which can be frightening for some. As such, it is no surprise that anxiety amongst first years is so common. At least 15% of university students in South Africa have reported experience severe symptoms of anxiety. And these are only the recorded cases. Mental illness impacts your physical health and academic performance and leaving it untreated puts your happiness and your life at risk.
As university students, we often feel like we need to keep our negative feelings to ourselves. These are “the best years of our lives”, after all. We associate our feelings of anxiety or depression with shame or ingratitude. These feelings are compounded when we compare ourselves to others. We see our peers seemingly living out “the best years of their lives”: making friends, going out and managing their schoolwork, all with a constant air of happiness. We begin to feel like something is wrong with us for feeling unhappy. Our self-esteem drops. Why aren’t we coping as well as everyone else? Are we weak? Inadequate? Stupid?
The answer is no. Firstly, comparison is pointless- in all regards- but particularly when it comes to tackling a university environment. Every student is facing their own unique set of challenges and handles it in their own way. Additionally, you have no idea as to what the true nature of other people’s experiences. are A peer that appears to be adjusting to university life perfectly may be grappling with the same anxiety and sadness that you have been experiencing. Always remember is that it is okay to feel anxious. University is not easy. It is not a carefree, booze-filled carnival. It is a rollercoaster of emotions, work, stress, heartbreak, homesickness and, yes- fun, new friendships and new experiences. You will be thrust out of your comfort zone. It will be difficult. But you will also have the opportunity to experience thrilling adventures if you are open to them. The best way to not allow your anxiety to overwhelm you to the point where you can’t enjoy the good aspects of university (and there are some- I promise) is to acknowledge your negative feelings early on. Do not let your emotions fester inside you. Speak to someone- a friend, a family member, a mentor. UCT has psychologists at Student Wellness who will assist you for free. Make an appointment. Act quickly.
Another personal tip I would give to any first years, is to take university day by day. A good day is a win- and you should celebrate wins of any kind. Understand that you cannot do everything. Understand that you do not have to pretend to enjoy what everyone else claims to enjoy. Understand that you are on your own journey. Feeling anxious is not shameful. Asking for help does not make you weak. In fact, taking the time to heal yourself mentally is one of the strongest acts imaginable. So, choose yourself and prioritize your own well-being. It will be worth it.
For help, contact the UCT Student Wellness Counselling Service – Telephone: 021 650 1017