A series that has, without fail, graced the lips of many since its release, Netflix’s limited series One Day is a romance that speaks to the culture of dating many of us experience today. The series starts with the main characters Dexter and Emma’s relationship on the night they graduate from Edinburgh University. We come to find that a night that would typically end in a one-night stand marks the beginning of a lifelong friendship. While it is a series that looks at the complexities of these two individuals and their relationship over the years, what touched me was the way it depicted grief and loss.
According to Cleveland Clinic, grief is the emotional response one faces when in the process of coping with a loss. The loss of almost anything truly meaningful to us can bring us to a place of grief. In One Day, we see grief brought by the loss of a partner, mother, career, and friend. The honesty in the way this grief is depicted allows us to relate not only with compassion, but greater understanding. The flaws present in the characters allow us to look at our own lives and recognise that we, too, perhaps, have acted in ways that were misplaced or that disappointed those around us.
In a few episodes, we see Dexter processing his mother’s sickness and the grief brought by that. We see that he begins to process the loss of his mother while she is still alive. Dexter fails to be present for her in the way she needs as he allows his grief to cloud him from appreciating the time he has with her while she is alive. While this can be said to be the case for a fictional character, I wonder how many of us might relate to this as we look at the struggles in our own lives, forgetting that the people we love are also hurting. Instead of appreciating the person while they are still on this earth, we allow sickness to make us mourn them before they have even passed. This is a dangerous mindset, as we see with Dexter when he later regrets his decisions and selfish tendencies during that time when he is older. This part of a much bigger story in One Day, which completely changed how I look at grief and mourning someone while they are still alive, has allowed me to operate from a place of gratitude no matter the circumstances.
While grief and loss can be seen in Dexter mourning his mother when she is sick until her eventual death, it can also be seen in the way the pair mourn the loss of their careers, albeit at different stages in their lives. Emma graduates from University with distinction and hopes for a bright future in writing. The reality that awaits her outside of the gates of Edinburgh, however, is different as she spends a few years working at a dingy Mexican restaurant. It seems as though her prospects are gone as she remains stagnant for years; however, we see she takes initiative when she gets into teaching. As she trades one pastime for another, we see that the hopes of writing appear to be buried away. It becomes evident that, like many of us, she deals with this perceived loss through avoidance. Any mention of her writing prospects by Dexter is shut down with rage by Emma, and while this is a normal response- seeing how Emma lived a half-life until she tapped into that dream- is something to take away from One Day.
Watching Emma unknowingly struggle with grief and look at life with a mindset of lack because of it reminded me how often we live a half-life carrying a box of losses. If there was one thing I took from this, it was that carrying the disappointments of life is okay, but it is important to refocus on those dreams so that we do not walk through life carrying disappointment.
One cannot make a take on grief and loss in One Day without looking at this in the form of romantic relationships. There is no doubt that anyone who watched the show was completely wrecked by the end. Just as we thought that love had finally prevailed and the pair were set for a smooth journey after the tumultuous years they endured together, we are hit with an understanding of the title, One Day. One Day, when you truly look at it, is all we have. Emma, en route to meet Dexter at a showhouse, is in a fatal bicycle accident. All that is left is a cheerful voice note to Dexter expressing her love and excitement to see him soon. Watching this naturally highlighted the fact that not a second on this earth is guaranteed. We easily look at the ill and old with the belief that they have a death stamp forgetting the same could be said about ourselves. This tragic loss suffered by Emma’s friends and family, but more importantly, Dexter, is one that many of us can relate to. Nothing prepares you for it, and this is seen in the way Dexter crumbles despite having suffered the loss of his mother earlier.
We see that it does not get easier as a year after Emma’s passing, Dexter spirals and turns to alcohol and violence to deal with his pain. While this can be something many of us relate to, there is a comfort to be found in the way One Day depicts this grief. The support that Dexter is given the following year from friends and family shows that community makes all the difference. He is able to let go of the pain when he encounters Emma’s spirit, and this provides us with solace that the dead seek to be celebrated and not mourned forever. In the end, we see Dexter go back to the start as he seeks to celebrate and appreciate the time they shared. The way Dexter navigates grief and loss at different stages in his life can be of encouragement to us.
As tragically beautiful as this series is, we are reminded through grief and loss that we only have ‘one day.’ Walking away from this show should remove the sense of entitlement we have when it comes to waking up and receiving another day. At the end of this series, I believe we walked away, able to navigate grief and loss in a new way. More importantly, I think we can walk away from this series knowing that no matter who we are- life is about ‘one day’.