I am by no means an Andie Anderson, and I only wish that I could be a “how-to” girl. But something I’ve noticed… something universally acknowledged by all women, is the inability to get over that one guy, whether it’s your hopelessly delusional crush, the boy who broke your heart, or you just can’t seem to move on from Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl.
After exploring the advice given to me by feminine magazines, my best friend, my mom, the whispers of ancient lore and that one Dua Lipa song, this is what I’ve learnt about letting go.
Embrace it
Embrace it. Grieve. Watch that cringy chick flick, eat that chocolate bar, rot in bed, but give yourself a time limit. Don’t rot for a week straight and come back only to realize that you’ve finished all 9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother in record time. Give yourself some sense of a deadline while still allowing yourself to feel and process all the thoughts that are racing through your mind. This might be the most integral step in getting over him. There is NO skipping it. You can only put it off and prolong it but know that you’ll feel it at some stage. Keeping a journal to write out your feelings and anxieties is one of the best decisions you can make for yourself, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. Â
No contact
No contact! Whether it’s your cheating ex or your crush, do you really think asking him how his day was will help you move on?? Exactly. Once you’re over him, you WILL regret sending him that long “read more” message that, let’s face it, is practically the length of a PhD thesis. Calling him to hear from his own lips what went wrong and what it is about you he didn’t like, all of which you dub as “closure”, won’t be as cathartic as you’re convincing yourself it’ll be. For both yours and my sake, save yourself the embarrassment.
Girl’s night
Go out with the girls. As much as letting the emotions flow is important, so is going out, exploring your city, and seeing that the world has much more to offer than just boys. Yes, sometimes all it takes is seeing potential in another boy (note: this doesn’t mean getting over him by getting under someone else), but what is infinitely more important is seeing potential within yourself. Being struck with the realization that sometimes, all you really need to feel fulfilled is yourself.
embrace change
Invite change into your life. Dye your hair, make new friends, get that tattoo, or start volunteering. Do things that are uniquely yours, where this boy has no say or influence. Invest in hobbies that you’re passionate about to fill up the time you would otherwise waste thinking about him.
Enjoy being single
Embrace being single. This is the perfect time for you to reconnect with yourself, your friends and family. You have the choice to decide where and with whom you want to spend your energy, and you have complete control over your decision-making; you don’t need to take a relationship or a boy into account. Being single is a time in which you can focus on developing healthier habits, discovering your purpose, and embracing independence. Enjoy the time you have with yourself before you meet the right guy!
Unfortunately, many people don’t have a support system, such as a best friend to confide in or a person whose shoulder they can always lean on. Being stuck in a perpetual cycle of emotion without having someone there can feel tumultuous, leaving you unable to organize your own thoughts or determine how to feel better. Below are some words of wisdom and comfort from people who I love the most about beating boy fever.
So, from us to you…
“Give yourself a break. It’s hard, and it takes time. Go on a run, spend time with your mates, distract yourself from the thoughts of him but also allow yourself to work through your emotions too, they’re normal!” – Micaela Van Der Merwe.
“NO CONTACT! And don’t stalk him!! Be patient with yourself. The time it takes for you to get over him isn’t always going to be the same as others. Acting okay will just set you back in the healing process.” – Zoe Jacobs.
“Get over him by thinking of all the red flags and nasty behaviour that you ignored because of what you felt for him.” – Mia Wheatley. Â
“Self-reflect. Look for red flags you missed. Emotionally, think about how you feel and how you can guard your heart from feeling that pain again. Before moving on, take your time and process what happened.” – A family member.