Women feel as obligated to give blowjobs as they do to show up to their actual jobs, but sex shouldn’t feel like a mark on the to-do list! Changing our culture around oral sex is essential to creating mutual pleasure.
Blowjobs are the foundation of American culture. Okay, not really, but we put a pretty big emphasis on them. In songs, movies and locker rooms across the nation, getting sucked off is high on the priority list. Higher on the priority list than giving cunnilingus, as suggested by several studies. Sixty-two percent of female college students in the United States report being more likely to give oral sex than to receive it.
If you listen to pop or hip-hop music, songs like “Candy Shop” or “Lollipop” may have convinced you that a blow job is comparable to eating candy. Fun and yummy, overall a great experience for everyone, right? Women are probably giving more head because they enjoy it so very much.
Well, I went ahead and talked to the women I know, who will remain anonymous, to get their opinions on blowjobs to see if Lil Wayne and 50 Cent are onto something.
“In general they are a good concept,” so far so good, “Do I always want to give one? No. But will I sacrifice and do it? Yes.” Oh, but I thought blowjobs were always a sweet experience. Why would eating candy feel like a sacrifice?
“I do think it’s a great thing but some guys abuse it,” another friend chimed in “Like when they say you can still give head on your period, it can be degrading and it can be weaponized. Plus, if there’s a lot to take in and he wants it all sucked, that can be difficult. I know a lot of women who have thrown up giving head. Even if it’s not big, sometimes it’s gross at the bottom.”
Huh… That doesn’t sound quite as fun as eating candy.
“I think it feels like a chore for a lot of women if it’s not often reciprocated.”
I’ll be real, these answers did not surprise me one bit. If you’re a dude reading this still wondering why women often don’t find oral sex as fun as licking a lollipop, I’ll go ahead and enlighten you.
First, though blow jobs might not be as technically complicated as cunnilingus, they are much more strenuous on the body and regularly result in injury. If you don’t enjoy sticking your fingers down your throat, you probably will not enjoy the deepthroat, which has become a highly anticipated blowjob move.
Another common issue? Hygiene, or lack thereof. Vulvas naturally have a lot of different scents, sure, but semen is often described as tasting like battery acid. This phenomenon is highly related to diet. Don’t even get me started on the scents ladies were describing from the balls.
Lastly, it isn’t reciprocated! Of course, blowjobs will start to feel like a chore if you aren’t given the same attention. Men are often cited as stating that cunnilingus is reserved for girlfriends instead of hookups, which would be fine if the same dopes didn’t expect to receive oral sex during a hookup.
This is why women are fed up with boring old blowjobs. They’re taxing on the body and they aren’t even getting the same energy in return. Women are not giving oral sex more than men because it is a super fun delightful experience, they give more oral sex than men because they feel obligated to. The overarching theme in American culture is that men’s pleasure is more important, but I know we can change that.
I know we can change this narrative because women don’t actually dislike blowjobs. Almost every woman I interviewed expressed distaste for blowjobs with a caveat: it’s good with the right person.
And those stories where blowjobs were good, they were really really good. Women felt powerful, sexy and motivated when they were with a partner that valued them.
So, to the guys: if you want better blowjobs and a more satisfied partner, you need to get your act together. Reciprocate what you receive, keep your junk fresh and be mindful of your partner’s comfort. It is as simple as that. If she has to worry less, she can focus more on pleasure.
And for the beautiful and perfect women who read Her Campus, you deserve experiences you genuinely enjoy, not just what you feel obligated to provide. Set your expectations early on and that will make your experience phenomenal. Mutual pleasure is a sign of mutual respect, and if someone doesn’t care about your pleasure, they are not the one. From now on, we only say yes when we mean it and know that a partner is as eager to please us as we are to please them.
Sex should never feel like a job, so let’s do something about it! We all want mutual pleasure, and changing our culture around blowjobs is step number one to creating a society where women enjoy sex just as much as men.