My mother passed her curly hair on to me. On nights I couldn’t sleep, she’d run her fingers through my curls only to get them caught in the tangles. She’d brush through my hair with a heavy hand to get the knots out only for it to double in size by frizzing up. My hair was my worst enemy. Whether I slicked it back into a ponytail or applied tons of products, I always had a lot of hair. I grew up watching my mom flat iron her hair and get keratin treatments, making me wish my hair was anything but curly. I always asked her why she never grew out her hair, and she explained that it was too unruly to keep up with to let it grow beyond shoulder length. Over the years, I’ve struggled with more bad hair days than good but have gained a greater appreciation for my natural hair. My journey to loving my curly hair was not an easy one, but here’s what I did.
- Learn your hair type
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When trying to understand my hair, I tried to get it as natural as possible. I gave it a thorough rinse in the shower—no shampoo, no conditioner, no product at all—and gave it a good look in the mirror. I pulled up a number of hair type diagrams and settled on 2C—medium/coarse and naturally frizzy, S patterned curls that are flexible in shape. You may not fit into any specific category, but get a general feel for what your type is. Next, I thought about the hair problems I struggled with. My hair has always been overly dry and struggled with frizz which distracted from its definition. From hydration and thermal protection to color protection and dry scalp, the list goes on. Pay attention to your hair!
- Find specific products and stick to them
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Keep in mind what works for me may not work for you. My hair is very receptive to the products I use. For a long time, I used whatever shampoo and conditioner were disposable to me, typically whatever my mom used. She bleaches her hair, dyes it and treats it with keratin, so products developed specifically for treated hair were the ones I used. This was a big mistake. My hair developed more oil than I’d ever seen before and had waxy residue from the roots to the ends. When I finally started showing love to my hair, I found my holy grail products.
I like to switch out my shampoo and conditioner every time I go through a bottle, so I’m currently using the Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Shampoo and Conditioner and the accompanying Multi-Action Leave-In Conditioner. This trio of products are my essentials. Not only does my hair feel clean, it also feels hydrated without feeling overly greasy to the touch. When I need more curl definition, I use Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Curl Boosting Hair Mousse. I’ve tried my fair share of mousses, but after plenty of trial and error, I’ve found virtually no difference between a drugstore mousse and an expensive one. This product smells so nice. It holds my curls but doesn’t leave a crunchy feel to my hair. With curly hair, pesky fly-aways and stray baby hairs are a guarantee, so when it comes to gel, I use my trusty Hanz De Fuko Modify Pomade. It easily washes out of my hair but provides a shiny and sleek look when I need it most.
- Straightening kills
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Growing up with a mom and an older sister, I learned a lot about beauty, skincare and feeling your best as a woman at a young age. Feeling our best meant straightening our hair. It was like an event. Once a week we’d straighten each other’s hair. Once a week isn’t bad, but since I started at such a young age, specifically age 9, over the years I noticed that I was starting to lose my curls.
This is the main reason why I struggle with curl definition today. I saw the most progress when I just stopped straightening my hair. I simply no longer had the time. I was now in college, working part-time and trying to balance my school and social life, and spending an hour every week to straighten my hair didn’t fit into this picture. Now, I can count the number of times I’ve straightened my hair on my fingers, and I no longer do it to feel good. Instead, I do it when I just want to switch things up for a few days.
- Get into a routine
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It’s no doubt curly hair is a lot of work, but we wouldn’t have been blessed with it if we weren’t made for the challenge. Finding a routine goes back to what your hair needs and your lifestyle. For example, how often should you be washing your hair? My hair is on the drier side, but once it begins to get oily, there’s a small window between when it looks good and when it’s in need of a wash. Washing every 2-4 days, depending on what’s going on in my life, is what works best for me. As you embark on your hair care journey, you’ll learn what your hair needs and how to achieve it.
- Remember your roots
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Hair plays a big role in our identity. It’s one of the first features we notice when we meet someone and shows a lot about the cultures and ethnicities we’ve come from. As hard as it is to take care of your hair just to feel like it looks half as good as those whose routine is simply brushing through their hair when it’s wet and letting it air dry, it’s unique to you and who you are. Us curly-haired girls have the capability to do so much with our hair as long as we treat it right. As dreadful as it is at times, embracing it only betters our confidence and idea of self-love.