Don’t pretend. We know you’ve been there. You have a late night/early morning situation at Midtown (or even at Library West) when suddenly the time has come — the time for a little midnight snack. You and your mini-fridge have nothing to offer, but a whole lot of businesses here in Gainesville do — so many options for so many hours! What to choose…
As finals week progresses and those of us who unfortunately still have tests are awake studying at 2 a.m. craving snacks that we know we’ll regret eating later but can’t seem to stay away from, here is a sneak peek of Gainesville’s favorite foods, when you should eat them, and when you should stay away:
4/20 MUNCHIES
Eat it when you feel like a savage beast and don’t mind the blasting club music while you await an 8-pound cheeseburger covered in onion rings, mac ‘n’ cheese, or peanut butter (seriously). Munchies is always excellent for surprising visitors or showcasing competitive eating capabilities.
Just say no when you feel like looking or feeling like a normal human at the conclusion of your meal.
PITA PIT
Eat it when it’s 3 a.m., but you’re sober enough to consider not shortening your lifespan. Appropriate in the time preceding spring break, winter break, formal, summer, Halloween, or any experience that will later involve tagged photos. Basically, it’s an oasis located adjacent to Relish just in case your change your mind.
Just say no when boys insist on some grease or when you don’t feel up to the topping selection process. It can be very overwhelming.
PIZZA BY THE SLICE
Eat it if you’re struck by a sudden wave of hunger en route to your designated driver or if you got too generous at the bar and are left with $3 to your name and/or don’t mind the rowdy line.
Just say no before or between attending nightlife venues. By some bizarre lapse in judgment, I’ve actually witnessed Pizza By the Slice consumption before and between nightlife attendances. Please don’t. If you don’t regret the super greasy-delicious pizza in the morning, you’ll definitely wince at the memory of gorging on it around sober strangers. It’s the dietary equivalent of taking your heels off on University.
MIDNIGHT COOKIES
Eat it when your late-night sweet tooth kicks in. Midnight Cookies is a restaurant that exists solely for this target audience, an ultra late night box of warm gooey cookies.
Just say no if you’re chowing solo. Minimum delivery is six cookies. In a popular plaza super far away from most nightlife, delivery is kind of a must.
CALIFORNIA CHICKEN GRILL
Eat it when you need a legitimate, late-night meal. The potential for healthy midnight munchies is such a rare thing, and this place is perfect if you skipped dinner. You can also come over to the dark side with chicken wings or barbeque.
Just say no because it’s marginally more expensive than the trashy-indulgent munchies we all know and love.
ASSORTED FAST FOOD
Eat it if you don’t feel like thinking too hard about your snack or have a craving for some fries you can’t rationalize in the daylight. All of the usual suspects McDonalds, Steak and Shake, and Checkers are available pretty late at night.
Just say no if you have good judgment.
RANDOM DELIVERY PIZZA
Eat it if you’re feeding a crowd or accepting the fact that a crowd will be trying to steal your food. Are you going to go with an inexpensive and dependable national chain like Dominos or some local fares like Gumby’s for cool combinations? Choices, choices.
Just say no if there’s a possibility you’ll eat a heroic portion, or conversely, don’t feel like paying to feed an army. Also say no on those evenings where you can’t be trusted to direct, remember, or tip for delivery. With great pizza comes great responsibility.
JIMMY JOHN’S
Eat it when you want more of a casual form of late night eating that’s acceptable to consume even in late-night meetings. This place is great when you need food extra fast; the delivery boy has to wear a spandex and ride a bike to deliver it. Eat it when you need to order online because interaction with level-headed strangers gets awkward.
Just say no if you want something extravagant; sandwiches can get kind of processed and boring. Sorry JJ’s.
KRISPY KREME
Eat it simply because the fresh donuts sign is lit and has catched your fractured attention span for a quick sweet snack or when you’ve managed to make it to sunrise.
Just say no if you’re significantly hungry; filling up completely on donuts is actually not the most strategic move.
Good luck studying, collegiettes! Stay energized!