We’d all like to be getting it on at 85, but when we think about the elderly people in our lives screwing, it often elicits a negative reaction. I get it. Young people don’t want to think about naked wrinkly bodies, but we should think about it. Well, maybe not the wrinkly part, but definitely the sex part. It’s worth discussing, and here’s why:
Maturity doesn’t equate to asexuality. Oftentimes, our society groups people with different capabilities as asexual. People who suffer from mental or physical disabilities are more than used to this false narrative. As people age and lose some of their physical and cognitive capabilities, they are lumped into that same restrictive box.
There are a million examples of older people having joyful and fulfilling sex lives, sometimes more so than in their youth. Spending a lifetime getting to know your body has its perks. Plus, despite the stereotypes of elderly folk being either asexual or in heterosexual monogamous relationships, that is often not the case. Old people are freaky as hell.
However, there are also a million examples of people in their golden years who stop having sex just because society told them to. If people make you feel like sex at a certain age is wrong, you aren’t going to want to have it. So as young people, we first need to get over ourselves and acknowledge that any consensual and pleasurable adult sex is good sex.
So, let’s talk about senior sex ed, and why we need to have it. We now understand why senior sex is good, but don’t they already know how to have sex? Why would we need to explain to grandma where the penis goes, I mean how do you think she became a grandma?
Senior sex education consists of subjects that are very different from high school sex education. These old geezers know the basics – they don’t need the condom on the banana demonstration.
From erectile dysfunction to body positivity to changing desires, seniors are stepping into a whole new ballgame of sexuality and they need guidance.
For example, I’m sure most of us have heard that the Villages, a senior living community, is the “STD Capital of America.” Though it would help my case, I’m not one to spread a false rumor. So I’ll give you the scoop that this isn’t entirely accurate, as reported by the Tampa Bay Times, but that isn’t to say seniors don’t need updated info on STDs.
The baby boomer generation mostly graduated before the AIDS epidemic hit its stride. That means that the boomer generation only learned about condoms as a method of pregnancy prevention, not STD prevention. So now that this generation has hit menopause, they often see no reason to wear condoms. This matters because many seniors are getting it on with new partners. With long-term partnerships looking to explore polyamory, and newly single seniors on the prowl after divorce and death, there is a lot of unprotected sex going on.
This is one example of many important reasons that seniors need updated info. Not that our current sex ed is great for the youth, but older generations definitely did not get the comprehensive info in their academic experiences.
However, in my experience, senior sex ed has its own challenges. If you read this article and decide to call up grandma to sex talk, it could go several ways. I find that seniors are extreme. Either they are happy and comfortable talking about sex ed, or they are horrified that you’d even bring it up.
I think that there are three major ways that our society can improve education for the elderly.
First, by offering sex ed in senior centers, nursing homes and other places where seniors congregate. That gives anyone interested a safe space to discuss sex ed.
Secondly, we need our medical practitioners to take senior sex seriously. Adults older than 50 typically aren’t asked about sex by their doctors and that is actually insane. Fifty is so young! If nowhere else, there should be inquiries about sex at the doctor. Especially at an age where there are so many changes going on in the body. If your doctor stops asking, it sends the message that sex no longer matters. So healthcare professionals need to make sure that people of all ages are being asked about sexuality and provided the necessary information.
Lastly, we as friends, children and grandchildren should strive to be mature enough to have these conversations with seniors. We can break the taboos if we adjust our narrative about aging sex. You don’t have to ask grandma how grandpa is in bed. But if an older person brings it up, making jokes or jabs could be detrimental. Essentially be nice. If you wouldn’t want somebody laughing at the idea of you getting laid then don’t do it to them.
Senior sex ed is essential but often overlooked because of social discomfort around the idea of older adults having sex. But sexuality doesn’t end with age, and senior sex ed can help our elders navigate this changing area of their lives safely. So let’s change the narrative—because we’d all like to stay sexy at every age.