One of the biggest problems that I continually encounter with people, whether it be close friends, family or strangers, is a lack of active listening. Listening is a craft, and like any craft or skill you need practice to become better. This type of skill is also one that should follow you throughout life. There is always room for improvement, and of course even “masters of the craft” will make mistakes now and then. Personally, I started my journey with active listening a couple months ago, and I’m still working on improving what I call the “basics” of the craft. Here are some tips and pieces of advice I’ve learned that helped me kick start my way to becoming a more effective listener.
Genuinely stay interested in what a person has to say.
Have you ever been in a conversation with a group of people, only to have someone (perhaps with a more “powerful” personality) completely ignore what you’ve said and cut you off mid sentence? It’s disappointing to witness in person and even more frustrating when you’re the one being ignored. Therefore, even if what someone is saying is boring or of no use to you, listen to what they have to say. I would even go so far as to make yourself stay interested. Ask them questions, and truly show them that their voice matters whether it be one-on-one or in a large group of people.
Avoid relating everything back to yourself, when you can.
Many times when we are included in a conversation, whether it be with family, friends or colleagues, we tend to put ourselves first. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing to do, but for some it can come off as selfish and self-centered. If people in a group are going around sharing their experiences about certain events or situations, then I would say otherwise. However, I mean this in the context of trying to tell someone something personal and having it overridden by their need to talk about themselves. This is a hard habit to identify because it’s almost natural to do so, but by recognizing when we are doing it we can start making things less about ourselves and more about the person who is speaking.
Make physical gestures to show you’re still listening to what a person has to say.
Whether it be making more eye contact or adjusting your body language to match what you are trying to convey with words, improving your physical gestures will drastically change how a speaker sees you. If you’re speaking with someone, try and position your body towards them. This will show that you are interested in what they have to say. In addition, uncross your arms. This particular gesture, whether done consciously or not, signals that you are in a defensive position and “closed off” from what is being said. By having more open body language, your speaker is more inclined to believe that you are genuinely listening to what they are talking about, and most importantly that you care!
Stay on topic with your speaker.
Unless in extreme necessity of course, don’t suddenly derail or change the subject matter unless a good amount of time has passed. This shows a person that you as the listener were not hearing them out, and instead opted to wait for an opportunistic time to talk about yourself. Instead, if you really wanted to change the topic, try bringing up something related to the discussion that the group or speaker can converse about. This will show that you are still listening, but in a way that takes the conversation in a route both beneficial and interesting to you and the person speaking.
With proper recognition and awareness, you’ll be able to identify your personal listening problems and eventually find ways to curb them. As I said before, listening is a craft and takes time and effort to improve. Therefore, you shouldn’t expect yourself to become an expert listener overnight. I’ve learned a lot along the way, and I intend to learn a lot more in order to become the awesome communicator I envision for my future.