Judgment–yes, we all do it, but do we know what it does to us?
When I first got to college (almost four years ago–time really flies), I remember struggling with my self-image and my self-esteem. I think this is a struggle that a lot of us actually experience, even if it’s not one of the things we’re open about or even really like to think about.
Looking back as an ancient 21-year-old, I now know that there was a big factor making me feel so low and so bad about myself: judgment. That is, judgment toward myself and toward others. This judgment, I realized, was the only true “ugly” thing in me; I was constantly comparing myself to other women and, in result, hated a lot of things about myself. And through the constant comparison, I became consumed by questions like why my legs weren’t as long as that one pretty girl standing in line at Starbucks, or why my boobs didn’t look as good in those trendy side-boob tops.
When I realized this judgment within me, I became aware of my surroundings and noticed that the same type of judgment was all around me–clouding the minds of countless other women. We are raised in a society in which our culture literally has industries designed to instill judgment within us; we feel entitled to judge a woman for her good/bad qualities and compare them to our own qualities. This is problematic, not only because we judge other women and their “flaws,” but also because that same type of judgment reflects back onto us and prevents us from being accepting and loving of ourselves.
Simply put, my reflection of this topic correlates with the same idea of “what you give is what you get.” This, when it comes to judging superficial qualities of others, means that the energies we put out, we also receive; when we only look at others negatively and through judgmental eyes, we then look at ourselves through those same clouded eyes. This negative and dark view is the one that makes the cellulite on the back of our thighs or the “weird” shape of our boobs or butts seem relevant and important. It also, sadly, allows us to overlook all of our individually beautiful features and characteristics.
Sometimes, as weird as it sounds, when I catch myself judging other girls for irrelevant and shallow reasons, or when those PMS-filled-pre-period days get me feeling down, and I start tearing myself apart, I actually think to myself, “Stop.”
Judgment is not easy to deal with. And a big reason for that is the fact that a lot of us are unaware of how much we do judge others and, ultimately, ourselves. It can also be scary to think about what judging says about our insecurities but, for me, realizing the superficiality of judgment is what led me to become more confident and what led me to embrace others’ individual beauty in a healthier way.
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