With October looming, we all want to be spooked, but ghosting isnāt the way. Brew some hot tea, grab a blanket, and get cozy cause weāre gonna dive deep into some spooky stories of ghostings past.
*****
I think we all remember how special Halloween was to our childhood. Dressing up for school and trick-or-treating at night were the highlights of our October month. Something about Halloween in a college town is equally special. Thereās a certain energy shift when September becomes October, and the countdown to halloweekend begins. But while this grand weekend boasts the potential for innocent fun and lettinā loose with your gals, it also has a reputation of leaving many with shattered hearts. In the spirit of Spooky season, let’s talk about ghosting.
Itās happened to me, itās happened to you, and it’s probably happened to your great grandmother at one point. As much as we try to do everything right, generations of ladies have experienced the unpleasant ghost, itās inescapable.Ā
Now Iāve noticed the rate of ghosting incidents rise before, during, and a little after Halloween time. This doesnāt have as much to do with the holiday as it has to do with the social events around it. We all hit the town in our best dressed attires, feeling confident and excited for the night ahead. Pheromones are in the air. Naturally, halloweekend is the perfect set up for making connections and casual hookups. But do you still have their attention the day after? Let us look into some spooky ghostings of the past: (names are pseudonyms to preserve anonymity)Ā
Marianne, junior, was ghosted by their summer fling
āThis summer I started talking to a girl and we set boundaries as it was only gonna be a summer thing. She then ghosted me after we linked 3 times for 2 and a half weeks before texting me at 3 am apologizing and blaming it on her personal issues. Then we hung out again and she ghosted again. I learned that it had nothing to do with me and Iām awesome, some people just have issues.ā
Marianne, that last sentence is exactly it. You did what you could, but itās not your job to be someone’s therapist. Never let go of that energy!Ā
Ashleigh, graduated, was ghosted by a person that has yet to develop emotional intelligenceĀ
āSo this happened the summer after graduation. This guy, I had gone out with once back in Fall of 2023. The first time we matched, we talked for bit and went out on a date. Shortly after, we parted ways with a mutual ghosting as it didnāt really seem that we really clicked. No hard feelings though as I still followed him on Instagram and saw updates of whatever he was up to. Flash forward to around late Spring, I was swiping on Hinge, where we met, and found him again and figured why not go for something a little more casual this time. We started chatting and eventually hooked up just a few times. By early summer, I started to get a peek into his personality and humor, and began to harbor feeling for him. I figured that the next time I saw him Iād be honest with where my head was at. On this day, I was tapping through everyoneās Instagram stories like usual, and I tapped through his to see a picture of two sets of feet together with a song in the background. It didnāt really click until a second after and I tapped back to fully inspect the image. The picture was a shot of him and some other girls feet with a tennis racket in between, a song in the background all with a black and white filter on top. As someone whoās been in a situation where I was the other woman without knowing, I knew it was not worth my time or energy. I immediately unfollowed him and set my phone down, but not for too long, as 10 minutes later I was back on my phone again. As soon as I clicked on Instagram, I saw I had a DM request from someone. It was him. Curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked on what he had to say. āThatās not who you think it is lol,ā is what he said. I just sat there dumbfounded because how did you know to connect the dots? That I unfollowed you because of an assumption I made? Iāll admit, I couldāve definitely sent my reply to him better in a different state of mind, but I donāt regret what I sent. I figured, I might as well be honest about why I did and where my head is at with everything, so I laid it all out on the table, confessing how I felt and everything. Needless to say, things did not pan out well, actually at all. He left me on read and I never heard from him again. šā
Ashleigh, you handled the situation with grace and emotional maturity and theyā¦did the opposite. Being able to put your feelings into words is a skill many struggle their whole lives with and here you are executing it flawlessly. Good on you for leaving them speechless! You got the final word!Ā
Bubblegum, sophomore, ghosted by someone who once exhibited consistency
āMet this guy my freshman year. We had this sort of slow burn flirting back and forth for all of the year. We finally spent a day together towards the end of the semester and it was absolutely perfect (to me at least). I was so convinced that he was the one and he just needed time. We go on summer break and heād pop in and out of my phone to let me know that he āmissed meā or that he was thinking of me, but it was never consistent. I came back to Gainesville summer B for a few days for some work stuff. We end up having a 4 day straight sleepover while Iām there. Nothing was sexual, we did nothing past kissing. It was so romantic and special to me in that moment. Then I went back home and the cycle stayed the same. In and out of my phone to let me know he āmissed meā. I came back for fall and we barely talked. I saw him out one night and we had another sleepover. After that he just went completely ghost. I still see him out occasionally and we say hi but itās obvious he doesnāt really GAF about my existence. Itās just interesting how fast someone can switch up and you can have these beautiful romantic nights with them and it just ends up meaning nothing.ā
Bubblegum, the switch up ghosts usually hurt most of all. I was in a very similar position as you my freshman year. Donāt close yourself off because of one loser! Theyāre what I like to call, a little freshman year snafu.
Trisha, senior, ghosted by a potential booty call who was also eye candy
āI was the victim of repeated ghosting from the same man. He would be like āletās hangā or ācall meā.Ā Iād say āyesss letās do itā and ā Iām ready’ and then I wouldnāt hear from him for another three months. This has been going on for four years and sometimes Iām still a victim of it. Weāre now platonic. But heās so hot I just couldnāt help but fall for it and hope he would pull through, and he occasionally did but it never lived up to expectations. Honestly it was a testament to how desperately horny I was. The spookiest thing about it is the lack of self worth to go back to a loser who didnāt value me.ā
Yes Trisha, he did not value you and you deserve to have your needs met by someone with a good head on their shoulders, not a scheduling issue! Glad you can look back now and see your true worthā¦ plus eye candy usually only satisfies your eyesā¦ :)
So as you read for yourself, a ghoster does not have a standard look, (you wonāt be able to pick one out in a crowd) nor do you do anything to provoke a ghoster to pull their act. Whether the goal is a booty call or a monogamous relationship, or whether you think youāre texting too much or too little, ghosters donāt discriminate. These four testimonials are proof that being hot, funny, smart, caring, and unbelievably cool, among other wonderful things, are not reasons enough for these ghosters to rectify their cowardly ways. As cliche as it sounds, āitās not you, itās meā is fully true in these cases. Itās definitely them.Ā
So, whenever my girls ask me for communication advice, what theyāre really asking me is, āhow do I keep their attention?ā My answer always is, āyou donāt.āThere is no secret formula for making them stay and thatās a good thing! Ladies (and gents), being ghosted is a rite of passage, and a part of dating.Ā As you proceed in your journey, you may fear encountering ghosts, but believe it or not, they actually fear you more. Fear of conflict, fear of commitment, fear of actually bagging you!Ā
Will it stingā¦yes. Will you laugh about it in a couple of weeksā¦ also yes! So to everyone thatās been victimized by the occasional ghost, think of it as a blessing that they decided not to waste any more of your precious time and allowed you to get back out there! There are a lot of spooks come Halloween time, but a loser pulling a disappearing act should not be one of them! Go make this one memorable Halloween gals and show no fear!
Love, Nessa