I was in fourth grade when I received my first comment about my acne.
“You should probably use proactive,” he told me with a mocking tone.
Nine years later, that comment doesn’t bother me like it used to, but it’s something I’ll always remember.
I’ve had problematic skin for as long as I can remember.
Although I try not to let something as superficial as looks bother me and affect my self-esteem, it gets the best of me sometimes.
In this article, I discuss the struggles of having acne and problematic skin and talk about what others without acne don’t understand.
I try not to let insecurities about my looks affect my mental health.
But when you live with something that’s on your skin, that you and everyone around you see constantly, it’s hard not to think about.
Middle school is when my skin really started to take a turn for the worse.
I knew everyone got pimples, especially girls around that time of the month, but mine were always different.
My acne seemed more severe, more prevalent.
It never seemed to go away like my friend’s acne did.
Over time, it just got worse. I don’t like to admit it, but for a while, it really got to me.
I went through a phase of self-hatred because I thought I was gross, or I thought other people would think I wasn’t clean or that I was ugly.
Having problematic skin is something not everyone can just escape with a cream or a pill, for some; it’s been a long and challenging journey.
Not feeling comfortable in your own skin is a feeling unlike any other.
Waking up, looking in the mirror, and seeing imperfections scattered across your body is not only damaging to your self-esteem, but it’s depressing overall.
It makes you not want to leave your room and show yourself to the world.
It makes me ashamed and triggers my brain to think my skin is the first and only thing people see in me.
I know, I know… it’s just pimples. I know I am so much more than my skin and that it doesn’t make me any less beautiful of a person inside or out, but sometimes that doesn’t make me feel better.
I’ve lived in Florida for almost my entire life, with beaches and people strutting off their clear skin in tank tops.
I never went to the beach with anyone because I was so embarrassed by my body acne; I never felt comfortable showing my skin.
Every time I went homecoming dress shopping it was, “No, can’t wear that. It shows my shoulders” or “That one shows too much of my chest I don’t want anyone to see that.” It was endless and exhausting.
For some, this might seem ridiculous that I held myself back because of my issues with my skin. But for people who go through this, they understand how acne can take a toll on your life and you can’t help the way you feel sometimes.
Having acne doesn’t just affect you mentally — it can be physically painful, too. Whether it’s putting on a bra or backpack, resting your face on your pillow or leaning back in your chair and wincing at the pain, acne hurts; I think people forget that.
I felt the height of my sadness and frustration when I was in my sophomore and junior years of high school.
That was when my skin was at its worst. Over time, I have become more accepting of my skin. I usually never wear makeup to cover it up. I try to embrace it as much as I can.
Although it is intimidating to be so vulnerable with your skin in public, it’s a great way to come to terms with yourself and love yourself.
If I’m being honest, I still struggle with wearing tank tops, but it’s a work in progress and I’m trying to learn from this journey.
As I tried to be more accepting over the years, I am much more comfortable in my skin.
It’s not perfect, but I’ve learned that that’s okay.
It may seem like other people have perfect skin, and it’s so easy to be jealous of that, but remember that they have their own insecurities, every human does.
That’s another thing I’ve realized through my journey: Although my acne is a cause of my insecurity; my mind is the biggest culprit.
I should not have let myself be that negative and harsh toward myself.
The people around me who matter don’t care about my skin, they like me for me, and I should feel that way too.
This struggle has made me realize what really matters in life and has taught me how to love myself just the way I am.
I hope that if you struggle or have struggled with acne, you have found this article a safe place that you can relate to, and to let you know you are not alone.
No matter where you are at with your acne journey, just know you are beautiful, strong and so much more than your skin.