The internet has changed just about every aspect of human life, with innovations that people could never have dreamed of a mere 20 years ago. The internet has also ruined romance, dating and relationships as we know them. Chivalry is indeed dead, simply because our phones aren’t.
The first objection to this statement is typically along the lines of “but the internet has allowed for unprecedented connection with people from all around the world, especially with social media allowing us to keep up with everyone and dating apps helping us find a partner.” Very true. But, this connectivity and constant perception of every aspect of our lives is the very thing that pulled the trigger to kill romance.
The spontaneity of romance is the first thing that’s disappeared – in a world where we can be constantly connected, there’s really no chance to be fully in the moment. This means that even on a really great date, your focus will always partially lie elsewhere – is it too far-fetched to say maybe we don’t love as deeply now? I don’t think so, for the effort given to dating nowadays is pretty abysmal. Trying to find romantic subtext in the blurry Snapchat photo of a blank wall you waited 10 hours for is somehow the norm now. Men used to court women and build architectural marvels in their name. Now they send mass snaps and turn off auto-capitalization.
Simply put, technology has made us lazy, and a lot of people don’t care to put effort into finding real love or connection, instead choosing to spend time in situationships or hookups to get a quick hit of dopamine with little to no commitment or work – just like scrolling on your phone. In a world where the next swipe could bring you an even better option, why would people settle on what they have in front of them? The average medieval person would likely only meet a few hundred people in their lifetime. Now, with cell phones, we can encounter more than a few hundred people in a matter of hours. While there’s always been the chance that someone nicer, prettier, better is out there, we are now forced to come face-to-face with this reality every time we open our phones.
Social media sets unrealistic standards as well, both for beauty and relationships. With an inundation of posts from celebrities who have the best plastic surgeons, makeup artists and professionals to help them look how they do, we’ve forgotten what true beauty and real people look like. Instagram feeds are typically catered to reflect the side of life that people want the world to see, obscuring the not-so-nice parts from the public eye. It’s isolating to constantly confront a sense of inferiority whenever scrolling through post after post of smiling, happy, perfect people when that’s not your reality. However, spoiler, it’s not their reality either, though that’s not what our brains tell us. Ultimately though, people are real and flawed, not the shiny manufactured façade they present on their feed (and thank goodness for it). In dating, there’s simply no way for real people to live up to the models and celebrities that clog our feeds with perfection. Many see no reason in ever being truly dedicated to one person, since they can just talk to a bunch and commit to none instead. It’s impossible to ever be enough, and coupled with our shortening attention spans, liking a person enough to really commit to them is becoming rarer and rarer.
The performative aspect that relationships have taken on in the age of social media is further proof that true romance is deteriorating. So-called holidays, like “national girlfriend day” and “national boyfriend day,” where suddenly everyone is in a relationship at their very core are meant to show other people: “look at my happy relationship.” It’s a performance of sorts, to create and tailor a post for the sole purpose of telling the world you like/love someone. If they know you truly love them, then why should it matter if you post them? Well, it’s because we are so caught up with how other people perceive us that we use social media as a façade. This same sentiment echoes in trends like “boo baskets” and “brr baskets,” in which it often seems like a competition to do something post-worthy so everyone else can know about it instead of living for the deep romanticism of being in a relationship. Sure, the internet has allowed some to meet their soulmates and find love. But they seem to be very rare exceptions to the all-too disappointing reality of love in the 21st century. In a world with dating apps where the next match could be “the one” (hence, rare signs of commitment), an overload of perfect people on social media, and endless ways to subvert romance, the internet has ruined dating as we know it.