I’m a hopeless romantic. I have been falling head over heels for boys since before I can remember. I have hand picked gifts, written names in diaries and done a whole lot of wishing – and you know what? I am over it, I’m so f***ing over it.
I think I, like a lot of women I know, have had this perception that the “right love” will “save me”…from what? I’m not too sure. Maybe a lack of purpose, insecurity, crisis or the desire for turned heads and wandering eyes? But can you really blame me? From the moment I could comprehend moving pictures, I watched beautiful princesses be rescued by handsome princes. Once I outgrew these fantasy cartoons, Julia Stiles, Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff painted the epic dream of high school romance, and I lived by it.
I 100% fully believed I would have had my movie moment by now. If I somehow managed to evade it in my middle school years at summer camp, on my high school hiking trip, my senior year prom, then maybe my first year of college?
I’m 19 and I have never really kissed a boy. I’m Drew Barrymore in the 1999 cult classic and I’m NOT going back to high school! I would be remiss to say it doesn’t hurt because it does. There is a unique type of pain felt by the girls who never were really noticed or hit on. But self pity aside, I’m declaring men and their fleeting, meaningless attention overrated!
Am I bitter at the ripe age of 19? You know maybe I am, but I really deserve so much more than a life reduced to flirts and flaunts of a guy. And honestly I feel like my dating-free life has given me a unique and remarkable outlook on relationships. I have spent formative years of my life unmuddled with oxytocin, able to grow within myself, discover my own hobbies and make my own passions. I have learnt through friends mistakes the patterns to avoid and red flags to take notice of and truly think, ego aside, being single is one of the most positive experiences I have. While lust and love are electric and exciting, I have watched friends give up time and pieces of themselves for temporary partners who leave them broken. Watching classmates fight in unhealthy relationships because they are too naive to break up. And worst of all, I’ve listened to friends rave about boyfriends, to find out that these boys treated them how no person ever should be. There is no question that all dating has risks, but when both participants are flooded with hormones, insecurities and immaturity, many things can, and do, go wrong. And while I’m all for the “everything has a lesson” philosophy, these can leave serious damage.
Beyond the emotional aspect of your relationships the physical aspect brings risks as well. Sex education is very poor in the United States, leading to unplanned pregnancies and poor consent practices. (look up my girl Ginger for all things sex- insta: @gingerr_and_spice). To add, sex can be bad for women because of a partner’s lack of knowledge, and likelihood is young couples (because of age and stigma) are less likely to have open conversations regarding sexual preferences. Humans are inherently sexual beings and setting a good foundation for pleasure is very important, no shame should be involved.
The last piece I’ll say is that freedom is awesome. In relationships you sacrifice, and no matter the cost-benefit weight, being able to live your life completely based on your own motivations is so cool. While you are young, parentless and free embrace it: buy yourself flowers, give your friends chocolates on Valentine’s Day and try new hobbies. Trust me: this is all easier said than done, so it is time for me to put my “big girl” pants on, turn off “10 Things I Hate About You” and delete Hinge once and for all because I have realized my real great, big love lies in the sunsets, stars, animals, the ocean and most importantly, myself.