Surprise! Remember a little over a month ago when I chopped off like 6 inches of my hair (more like 8 but saying 6 makes me feel better)? It turns out it’s not just fun and games, and my long hair meant WAY more to me than I thought it did. I suppose I cut it without much thought, and looking back, in the middle of what one might call a mental breakdown, but still, who knew?
Anyways, I tried to make myself like my short(er) hair, but no matter what, every time I looked in the mirror, I didn’t feel like myself. It seems silly; it’s just hair, right? But I still wanted to feel good when I walked out the door.
So, I got hair extensions. Hooray!
Then I couldn’t stand them and took them out 3 days later. Hello?
I chopped my hair to make myself feel better, then put in hair extensions to make myself feel better about chopping my hair and then took the extensions out and made my way right back to where I started.
As I continue to dig deeper, I find myself seeing something in me I never thought was there: pressure.
Pressure on my self-confidence, pressure on my anxieties and fears, pressure on how everyone around me perceives me – and that, as I have now painfully found out, is largely dependent on my appearance. Furthermore, how I feel about my appearance.
This is crazy, though! I’ve always been such a confident individual and felt that I radiated self-love and independence in a society so surrounded by negativity and expectations. But I think there is so much to be said about hiding our insecurities with false confidence and pride. I suppose I’ve always been insecure about how I look and how others perceive me based on it, but it never hit me hard until I made a change to my appearance.
After taking a look at all of this, I remembered that my opinions of the women who surround me are never based on their appearance. It is always their joy, laughter, intellect and their genuine and kind energy that makes me want to sit and chat, never what I think of their outfit, makeup or hair on any particular day. So, if all of this is true for what I think of others, why would any of it differ for me?
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I can’t grow back my hair (and apparently my confidence) in a day either. But I can start to learn to love myself, with long or short hair, with makeup or no makeup, in sweatpants or jeans. Life isn’t perfect, and everyone is struggling. Don’t think your feelings or problems are silly or small, even if they seem like it, and know that in a world of likes, views and FaceTune, the opinions that count are yours and yours alone.
P.S: I think you look beautiful today :)