Empire’s season three premiere this past Wednesday night was shocking, to say the least. Not only did we learn who actually fell to her death (RIP Rhonda, you will be missed), but we also saw Anika give birth, Jamal have a concert-halting panic attack, Cookie shut down Lucious like the boss she is, and Lucious being, well, Lucious. Since so many things went down in the span of one hour of TV, it was impossible to write about one topic from the episode. Instead, here’s a list of thoughts we all had while watching the season three openner.
1. Rhonda’s looking like the beginning of Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” music video.
2. So many things have already happened, and it’s only the first 5 minutes. Empire, calm down, I can’t take this emotional rollercoaster!
3. Lucious masters the Great Gatsby vibe, right down to the raised-glass-head-tilt.
4. Literally only Lucious could use an actual baby as leverage against his own damn son, smh.
5. If Lucious has all of this fancy money, why is he wearing a carpet pattern as a shirt??
6. Oh Cookie, I missed your sass…
7. “You ruined it… Forever,” said Cookie to a speechless Lucious. Cookie, teach me to be as savage as you.
8. Wait, when did Xzibit join this shindig? And why didn’t he pull up in a pimped out car? (Sorry, old reference)
9. Hakeem has a different pattern in his hair like every week, and I’m living for it.
10. Xzibit: breakin’ legs and takin’ names (I guess his character Shyne isn’t so shiny after all).
11. Legend has it, the sassier Cookie gets, the longer her nails grow.
12. How is Anika acting fine after killing Rhonda, then getting threatened by Lucious? And I thought I was heartless, geez.
13. “You’d be surprised the things I can make happen” -Lucious. Well, isn’t that the understatement of the year??
14. Wait, so are we all just gonna go on living our life despite the fact that Rhonda was murdered by Anika or….?
15. Hakeem called out by Shyne for hitting on women, then rejected by a woman at the same time. #DoYouWantIceForThatBurn
16. Not only is Hakeem great at rapping, he also has a pretty promising future in improv. #DancingMan
17. The fashion this season is great, but honestly, Cookie could wear a trash bag and she’d still make it look fierce.
18. Finally Jamal is singing, it only took 37 minutes to get here!!
19. On a serious note, the world needs to hear Jamal’s song, “Need Freedom.” It’s so powerful and so important.
20. #FreeFreda (Just to see the drama between her and Lucious go down…)
21. All I want is for Jamal to sing me to sleep every night for the rest of my life, is that too much to ask??
22. What’s bigger, Cookie’s hoop earrings or her sunglasses?
23. When you go to a fancy dinner and decide to MANHANDLE THE ASPARAGUS, YOU SAVAGE.
24. Lucious Lyon: Making pervy jokes since day one.
25. Cookie’s side eye, tho. #RollThemEyesGirl
26. Seriously, is no one going to mention Rhonda??
27. Get ’em Jamal, stick up for your family! Sass definitely runs in the Lyon family.
28. “Somebody pass me the salt, please.” But you don’t need any after that salty convo, Cookie.
29. Hakeem, stop wearing sunglasses inside dark clubs. You don’t need them there, do you know how sunglasses work? I know Cookie raised you better than that.
30. Aw, Hakeem shows brotherly love and comes to the resuce of Jamal! (Even though he is still wearing those damn glasses, smh.)
31. Woah, where did Nessa’s voice come from?? That girl has pipes, she was born ready for the spotlight.
32. That moment you see your son having a panic attack about being shot, so you PRETEND TO SHOOT HIM WITH YOUR FINGERS, WHAT THE HELL LUCIOUS.
33. “You didn’t have much of a family, and neither did Lucious. But together, we built this one. And we’re strong.” -Cookie. Preach, girl!
34. I’m not even gonna comment on Cookie’s fur outfits in this episode, they speak for themselves.
35. Woah woah woah, Cookie’s threatening to leave?? No. No way. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen.
36. Oh no, not again Andre. Don’t go down this road again. #StayStrong
37. You may have seen creepy, but you’ve never seen Lucious-sitting-in-a-rocking-chair-while-talking-menacingly-to-a-baby creepy, that’s for sure!
38. Coming this season: Mariah Carey’s cameo and Cookie’s crazy glasses… Set your DVRs and prepare yourselves, because season three is gonna be a wild ride.
Welcome back, Cookie, we missed you…
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