Is It Ever Worth Working It Out on the Remix?

At this point, most of us have heard snippets of the iconic remix of “Girl so confusing” by Charli XCX and Lorde. When this track dropped, a lot of us were surprised to see Lorde, someone Charli had clashed with during the Tumblr days, publicly stand by her and even declare that she “rides for” Charli. This display of solidarity caused a cultural reset as we all started to reflect on the misunderstandings we’ve had with an ex-friend. 

What makes this collaboration so refreshing is the raw honesty both artists show as they reflect on why their friendship fell apart in the first place and how they mended it. This idea of “working it out on the remix” resonates deeply—not just as a musical collaboration but as a metaphor for the complexities of friendships and the potential to rebuild after conflict. So that leads me to my question: when is it ever worth working it out on the remix? 

The nature of conflict in close friendships in college stems from many things. When I think of what has gone wrong in my friendships, a lot of it has to do with misunderstandings and insecurities. To be completely transparent, I would want to immediately fix what was going wrong instead of taking time to truly understand where my friend’s behavior was coming from. Or instead of speaking up about what bothered me, I wouldn’t and just acted like everything was okay when it wasn’t. 

Growth and change are really important in being able to rekindle a friendship. Sometimes people grow apart, but what you need to consider is whether you both have grown in the right direction. Since you guys have stopped being friends, have you been able to mature emotionally? Have you become more self-aware and have they? If the answer is no to any of these, maybe it’s not the right time. One of my friendships has gone through two hiatuses due to neither of us understanding each other at those points in time, and one of us lacking communication and the other over-communicating. After doing some deep reflection, I realized that I have an anxious attachment style and it was showing up big-time in some of my friendships, especially with friends who tend to be more avoidant and shy away from vulnerability and big feelings.

That’s a crucial part of working it out on the remix: you need to be comfortable with holding yourself accountable. It can be very easy to blame the other person without realizing that maybe you did have a part to play in the conflict. But in the case where it’s not your fault and it’s entirely due to the other person’s actions, deeper reflection is needed to determine whether it’s possible to forgive this person and move forward. 

To add, understanding the root cause of a friendship breakup is what will help lead to reconnection. This comes with both of you being able to reflect honestly about what happened. Confrontation doesn’t always have to equal conflict, so try to not shy away from difficult conversations. This is why listening without reacting, collaborative problem-solving, and focusing on clarification and not accusation are important.  For example, you could say “I care about this friendship, but I also need to feel respected” or “I hear you, but I would like some space to process this”. Make sure that you are operating with the same kindness and respect that you would like to be given, which all goes back to cultivating emotional growth. 

Wait—there’s a caveat to all of this. You must approach this process with not only empathy but with boundaries as well. We all know that one person. Someone who is so incredibly kind and always sees the good in everyone. However, it sometimes can lead to a blind spot when it comes to harmful behaviors inflicted upon them by others. While you may want to give this person another chance, sometimes you simply don’t need to if you are compromising your values or they don’t seem to appreciate or respect the efforts you are making. Know when to walk away.  

The point of a remix is it isn’t the same as the original. This definitely should be applied to the dynamics of a rekindled friendship. Emotional growth, understanding what went wrong, and making a continuous effort to improve is crucial, as well as keeping an open line of communication. If there is repeated hurtful behavior, whichever party is responsible must be committed to working on it. When both people are willing to “work it out on the remix”, it allows them to build something even stronger than before. So yes, it can be worth it. We are all living life for the first time so it may be tricky trying to figure things out, but only time will tell if you made the right decision. 

• breakup
• charlixcx
• friendships
• lorde