This Means War tells the story of Lauren, played by Reese Witherspoon, a super hot lady who inexplicably can’t find love. Thanks to Chelsea Handler, she ends up on a dating website where she meets Tom Hardy’s Tuck. Following their fantastic first date, Lauren happens to run into Tuck’s BFF FDR, played by a rather bloated in the face Chris Pine, at the video store. Did I mention that Tuck and FDR happen to be secret agents who are let a really bad guy get away in the opening scene? Back to Lauren, who has fallen for both guys but can’t decide what to do. Will she go for Tuck, the sweet, safe and sensible guy? Or will she choose FDR, the too smooth Casanova? Decisions, decisions! Even though Tuck and FDR both know that the girl they’re dating is kind of getting around, they still want to keep seeing her. Rather than telling her that they’re well aware of what she’s up to, they agree to let her decide. What follows is a series of dates, during which the other guy does his very best to ruin the fun. At the end of the movie, Lauren ends up with the guy that the rom-com formula dictates she must.
I wanted this movie to be great and if not great, at least fun. The cast seemed promising- one Oscar winner, the future Bane, and Captain Kirk- and the premise appeared amusing enough. I have watched enough Archer to know that I get a kick out of spies behaving badly. Alas, it lived up to neither dream. The laughs were few and far between and unfortunately the best lines were put into the far too overplayed trailer. As much as I love Chelsea Handler (and believe me I do as I have read all of her books) she is not the greatest actress. In an interview on Chelsea Lately, Chelsea and Reese were discussing Chelsea’s habit to simply adlib everything and it’s definitely noticeable. Every scene Chelsea is in comes across like she was in the midst of a stand up routine. As phenomenal as Reese can be, this was definitely not one of her strongest movies. I had a hard time detecting any chemistry between her and either man during the film. It often felt like she was phoning it in. When the credits finally rolled around, I was so relieved it was over.
There were some positive aspects that do deserve attention. For one, Reese Witherspoon looked flawless throughout the film. Between her perfect body and a fantastic wardrobe department, I daresay that she has never looked better. The scenes between Tuck and FDR were charming, due to Tom Hardy and Chris Pine playing quite well off of each other. To be honest, I was really disappointed when they didn’t confess their love for one another and run off together. Unfortunately, a movie cannot redeem itself with good looks and a bromance, therefore I would recommend skipping This Means War.