For all the ladies out there who’ve had the experience of dating the infamous f*ckboy, I feel you. I recently had the pleasure of ending things with the biggest f*ckboy specimen that I have ever known. Although my relationship with him was horrible (to put it mildly), I did learn a lot from the experience and now I want to share what I’ve learned. So, for those of you who have not yet dated this type of person, here are some of the lessons I learned to hopefully spare you some trouble.
1. He puts in a ton of effort in the beginning, but after a little bit he stops trying.
When you first start talking he’ll probably try really hard. He’ll be really sweet and talk to you 24/7. He always wants to hang out and spend time with you, so you do. You begin to feel really close to him and start falling for him. It’s hard not to fall for someone who makes you feel so special. Then after about a month or so his effort really starts to dwindle. He stops calling you and trying to hang out and starts making up excuses.
2. He makes you hella promises that seem too good to be true.
In the beginning of this friendship/fling/whatever you call it, he makes all of these plans with you. He promises to take you to the beach to watch the sunrise. He promises to cook for you. He promises to take you on adventures and have movie marathons with you. Then when the opportunity comes to follow through on some of these promises, he suddenly backs down. It slowly becomes more and more apparent that he never had any intention of following through and you’re left wondering what happened.
3. You hear a lot of sh*t about him.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. You’ll hear stories about all the terrible stuff he’s done. You’ll hear about how much of a jerk he is but you’ll probably ignore it and blow it all off as being stupid rumors. After all, that isn’t the same person you know. The person you know tells you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. He promises to take you to the beach for the sunrise. The person you know is great, right? Wrong. If a lot of people have beef with him, it’s probably for a reason.
4. He tells you that he used to be a f*ckboy, but that he’s changed.
When you confront him about the bad things you’ve heard about him, he either denies it or claims that he’s changed. He’ll probably even tell you that you changed him. F*ckboys are slimy. They know how to make a girl feel special. They know that there is no bigger compliment to a girl than for a boy to say that he’s changed for her. If a boy ever tells you that he used to be a player, or a douche, or a f*ckboy, but that you made him want to change, then run away as fast as you can! He is playing you, girl.
5. Your friends don’t like him and he doesn’t like your friends.
If your friends don’t like him that is one of the biggest red flags. Your friends only want what is best for you, so always listen to your friends over some boy you just met. You can trust that they have good intentions but you can’t trust his intentions. If he tells you that he doesn’t like your friends that is an even bigger red flag. Chances are he’s telling you that to cause a divide between you and your friends. Chances are he’s trying to cause a divide because he knows that they see through his BS and he’s afraid they’re going to interfere in his games.
6. He gets really jealous and really mad at you for stupid things.
Every time you hang out with other guys he gets super jealous and mad at you. He probably claims he has trust issues because he’s been hurt in the past. You will probably find his jealousy strangely endearing and think its proof that he cares about you. DO NOT fall into that trap. If he gets mad at you for hanging out with other guys, it’s a sign that he could be the one being shady. It also means he’s a little possessive and controlling which never makes for a good relationship.
7. He’s an a** to you and then apologizes and expects everything to be okay.
Relationships have ups and downs—that’s normal. Couples get mad at each other and may sometimes say things they don’t mean, but within reason. If your boyfriend becomes a total a** to you when he’s upset with you (especially if it’s over stupid things) and then half-heartedly apologizes; you’ve got to leave. Don’t put up with someone who is going to try to hurt your feelings and then expect things to be okay once they apologize.
8. He only wants to hang out with you at night and only on his terms.
My f*ckboy would hardly ever spend time with me for the last month of our relationship and when he did, it was basically just to hook up. We never hung out in public or during the day. He would text me at 2am and tell me to come over. That is NOT how a boyfriend should act. I repeat: THAT IS NOT HOW A BOYFRIEND SHOULD ACT. You are more than a booty call and don’t ever let your boyfriend treat you like one.
9. He won’t make your relationship public.
I think most people can agree that social media should not carry too much weight in the real world. The idea that things are only official if they’re on Facebook is immature and silly. HOWEVER, if your boyfriend is strongly against making your relationship Facebook official and doesn’t provide even a slightly reasonable explanation, this is a red flag. If he never posts snaps of you or with you on his Snapchat but has no problem posting photos with other girls, he’s trying to keep you on the DL. And if he’s trying to keep you on the DL, then he’s probably being a shady f*ckboy.
10. He barely talks to you in public.
This goes along with my previous two points. If when you see him around campus he acknowledges you with little more than a head nod as you pass by, then why are you dating this a**? If when he sees you at the dining hall, he never sits with you or invites you to sit and eat with him, then he is not a boyfriend… he is a potato. Boyfriends eat food with their girlfriends. A relationship in which you barely acknowledge each other’s presence is not a relationship… It’s a joke.
When it’s all said and done, f*ckboys are pretty easy to spot. The only problem is that they’re good at manipulating and making you fall for the sweet things they say in the beginning. But once you distance yourself from them and get a clearer head, you’ll be able to see right through all the BS. If you do fall for a f*ckboy, just know you are not alone. You can do better than that and they are not worth an ounce of your time. Recognize they are a snake and get rid of them as fast as you can.