First love is one of those life experiences everyone goes through, yet it’s a very different experience for everyone. For me, it all started when I was 15. Here I am almost five years later reflecting on that big portion of my life. So much has happened and so much has changed. I’ve learned a lot about myself and love in general, some of which I’ve compiled into a list below.
1. How important friends are
When my ex-boyfriend and I started dating, he quickly became my best friend. It was a completely new experience for me and I didn’t know how to balance time between my friends and him. After a while, I began to notice my friendships dissolving. It wasn’t until we broke up and I was left best-friend-less that I realized how important it is to put effort into your friendships too.
2. Love is complicated
I used to have this preconceived notion of what love was, as I think many of us do. Actually being in-love made me question everything I thought I knew about love. You can’t rationalize love—it’s just something you feel. It’s human nature to try to understand and make sense of everything. I’ve struggled so much with trying to make sense of love only to learn that you can’t. People like to put rules and qualifications on love. We’re told things like:
“We fall in love by chance. We stay in love by choice.” – Unknown
“Don’t leave something good to find something better. Once you realize you had the best, the best found better.” – Drake
“Love happens only once, and the second time is always a compromise made to forget the first time.” – Ayan Khan
I reject all such ideas. Every situation is different. Love is a very personal thing and no one else can define it for you. It’s something that you’ll have to learn to define yourself based on your own experiences.
3. Trust your gut
Since love is so complicated, you may wonder how you’re supposed to identify, understand, and approach this elusive thing called love. My biggest piece of advice: trust your gut. You can’t logically deduce from some set of made up criteria whether or not you love someone and whether or not someone loves you. Someone could be absolutely perfect on paper, and you could have no feelings of love for them. Alternatively, someone could sound pretty awful on paper, and you could love them for some reason that even you don’t understand. No matter what the situation, it’s crucial that you always trust your gut.
4. There truly are plenty of other fish in the sea
Breaking up with someone who you love or used to love is scary—especially if they’re your first love. When my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I was so afraid that I was going to be making a huge mistake. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to find someone else. For over four years he was the only boy in my life. I didn’t know how to get back into the single scene. The transition ended up not being nearly as hard as I was expecting. I realized that the saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is very true.
5. You’re in charge of your own happiness
When you’re in a serious relationship, a lot of your life becomes all about your significant other. You get used to putting others first and you may begin to forget how to put yourself first. It’s easy to get into the habit of relying on your partner to make you happy and vice versa. Of course this is only natural when you’re in love and it isn’t necessarily a negative thing. However, it is important to be capable of creating your own happiness because your boyfriend/girlfriend might not always be there to do it for you.