Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, is not something you would ever want. And no, not everyone who has OCD is a clean freak. (I am a very good example of that). I don’t ever care if your shirt isn’t on right or if the painting on the wall is crooked or if I’ve rubbed my door knob enough times before leaving my house. My house could be a total pigsty and my OCD would not act up.
So, do I even have OCD? Yes, I do. And trust me, I hate it. And no, I would never want you to even consider wanting it. Why? Well, I can’t explain it in coherent words, so instead I’ll describe to you some snippets of my everyday life with OCD.
5:20 a.m to 6:15 a.m – Time to wake up and go to school
I open my eyes and scramble out of bed. I can feel my heart beat; it beats a lot. How long did I sleep for? 3-4 hours? No, it was 2 hours. OMG! I SLEPT FOR 2 HOURS! I look like crap-omg. I slept for 2 hours! This is bad, VERY bad. I need more sleep; I’ll faint if I don’t start sleeping earlier.
My dark circles aren’t helping; I have to use the bathroom, I have to brush my teeth- it’s 5:35 a.m-, I have to make two large cups coffee. It’s getting late. Two large cups of coffee- I’m out of coffee! My heart is beating fast again. I can’t find a matching pair of socks, no clean shirt, and my pants have a VERY small but annoying stain on them. I still don’t have coffee!
It’s 5:50 a.m! I NEED to leave the door by 6:15 a.m. I did not get enough sleep! I don’t have any coffee made! I’m running out with no makeup, who cares. Where are my keys? Does my throat hurt? Cold? Fever? I’ll buy coffee at Dunkin. IT’S 6:15 A.M!
11 a.m to 2 p.m. – Time for work AND lunch
I’m going to be late for work! But it’s only a 5 minute walk from class? OMG, where are the keys to the museum?? In my front pocket? Yes, but why? WHEN did I put them there??? I only had one cup of coffee the entire day. I’m going to faint from exhaustion.
It’s 12 p.m. and I still haven’t had lunch. WHAT IS LIFE? I’m going to die if I don’t eat something. My doctor is insane; I need to be on medication. No, I don’t. I’m fine. No, I do need meds. The thinking never ends. I’m sooo hungry. My manager needs me to dust the museum’s attic, set up the projector for tonight’s program, and call the plumbers to fix that drainage issue. I am not in the mood today to call up anyone. I’M HUNGRY! I can’t find the cables for the projector. Life is over!
5 p.m to 7 p.m – Dance practice
I haven’t studied for my chemistry exam tomorrow. I’m going to fail. I WILL FAIL. I need to be at practice, but I NEED to study. Can I leave early? Nope. I’m going to fail and I can’t do anything about it. I should have studied sooner, but I didn’t want to. No, that’s a lie. I did want to; I was just afraid to open the book.
I want to dig a hole somewhere and never come out. My throat itches. I’m getting sick. It’s all because I didn’t have my two cups of coffee or enough sleep. I have fifteen blisters on my feet! The guy I have a crush on definitely hates me. Are we even friends? I mean we hug every time we say bye, but he never says hi. He’s dancing next to me! Omg, this has never happened before; he usually doesn’t even look me in the eye. He takes forever to reply to my texts. WHY?? Am I boring? Does he hate me?
Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I just be perfect at flirting, picking out the signals, and knowing when someone likes me? I’m so ugly. He doesn’t like me. He never talks to me. WHY DO I HAVE TO START THE CONVERSATION?
Just watch this video, and you’ll get an idea of what I go through with OCD daily.
I take no credit for this video. This video entirely belongs to its maker, Torre Catalano.