When we think about saying goodbye, for some it’s that moment in time when we either close the door on a chapter in our lives, or it’s simply a “see you later,” but how can we end something we thought would last forever?
My hardest goodbye wasn’t about letting a specific person in my life go, but rather it was about letting go of the person I used to be, in hopes of becoming the best version of myself that I knew I could be. A lot of people know how painful it is to let go of a friendship or a significant other you thought would last a lifetime, but it’s something I have recently had to do. It was gut wrenching, and I hit a low point in my life as a result.
I couldn’t understand why I kept losing people, what I did wrong, or if there was anything I could have done differently. That’s the thing about goodbyes, it’s not always about what you did wrong, but about moving on. Whether it’s because you and that person were not meant to be, or you’re the one who actually deserves better.
For a long time, I pretended not to care about my real needs/wants, and brushed them off as, “oh well, it’s just not the right time for me.” Reflecting back on those kinds of moments have made me realize that part of the reason why my relationships ended, was because I wasn’t honest about what I wanted, and oftentimes settled for what I thought I deserved.
I’ve learned that you have to feel good about yourself to make room for other people, and I’m not there yet. At times, I still struggle with feeling like I’m not good enough, but I have said goodbye to the person who used to be unsure about what she wanted, not knowing what kinds of friends she wanted to surround herself with, and when it comes to the matters of the heart, I said goodbye to someone I loved, but knew he and the relationship were no longer a part of my journey.
I will always cherish the moments we shared together, but it’s about loving myself first before I can fully love someone else, which also translates into friendships. Letting go of someone who is toxic is challenging, but it’s the best decision you could have made for yourself.
If you have ever felt like saying goodbye was the hardest thing you’ve ever done, just know I can empathize and understand, but it’s even harder to let go of the person you always thought you would be. Society is always telling us to act or be a certain way, but you don’t have to. It’s okay to want to be a better person. Saying goodbye to the old me, was how I became the person I am today.