Week 3.
SIGHHHHH.
This episode was truly exhausting.
Thankfully, I had the company of some of my fellow Her Campus ladies to keep me company: Stacey and Frankie. Stacey is really good at retweeting me, and Frankie and Ashley Kardashian are both from New Jersey (Frankie Kardashian), so they have a lot in common.
Hopefully, no one tells Frankie I said that.
Anyways, back to what’s really important….. The Bachelor!
Jimmy Kimmel is on this episode “helping” Chris. This is fun.
Kaitlyn from Kanada (here I go again) gets the first one-on-one date of the week. Their limo pulls up to Costco. This gets my attention because there are a lot of free food samples at Costco. They do some shopping, which I don’t get because there is free food there. Did I not just say that? (Just checking.)
Next, they roll around Costco in an inflatable ball. Been there. Done that. Is this amateur hour?
Kaitlyn and Chris are making dinner for Jimmy Kimmel. Lots of funny stuff happens because it’s Jimmy Kimmel. Blah blah blah. Kaitlyn is really cool and normal, so things are getting bland in The Bachelor blogging world. Kaitlyn gets the rose. Moving on.
Next up is the group date. A lot of girls I have never seen before are there, as well as Carly the Cruise Ship Singer, Britt, Jillian, and yeah, I don’t know anyone else. On the date, they have a challenge where everyone shucks corn, steals eggs from innocent chickens, tackles pigs, and drinks goat milk. Jillian and Carly are neck and neck for who gets to take home the bacon (get it?) on this challenge. Meanwhile, Jillian’s shirt says “stay classy,” yet they are censoring her butt with the black bar every time she bends over. Wondering. Carly the Cruise Ship Singer wins. This is very ironic because she’s lactose intolerant. But, she still drank the goat milk! While I definitely wouldn’t do it, Carly has zero problems with risking her intolerance levels. I’m beginning to think she’s not lactose-intolerant at this point. But, that’s none of my business.
Next up…. One-on-one date number two with Whitney. I like to call her Whitney with the Disney Princess Voice. It takes a long time to type, but is also necessary. They have a really boring date at a vineyard (I think), and Chris is playing his own drinking game where he drinks every time Whitney’s voice gets on his nerves. He’s drunk. Fast forward to dusk. They crash a wedding. Chris and Whitney pretend they are engaged. Whitney’s princess voice is out of control at this point and she needs to hide her crazy better because it is in full force. In her princess voice, Whitney says, “There is something really romantic about weddings”……… (long pause). Duh. Chris then goes on and on about how well Whitney interacts with the wedding guests. Chris calls this impressive; I call this basic friendliness. Again, none of my business. Whitney gets the rose.
Jimmy Kimmel reveals to the girls that there won’t be a cocktail party before the Rose Ceremony. A lot of nervous laughter – especially from our girl Ashley Kardashian – happens next. But, wait…. They are having a pool party instead. Cue everyone doing their makeup for the “pool party.” However, we literally saw none of the pool party because a girl’s whose name I don’t know decided a pool party was a good time to tell Chris her tragic life story (which was very sad, on a short, but serious note). Anyway, the pool party doesn’t seem very fun.
Meanwhile, Ashley Kardashian is trying her damndest to make-out with Chris again. It will be her second time ever making out. So, she’s pretty excited.
A lot of stuff happens with kissing other people and Jillian’s ass gets censored seven more times.
Ashley Kardashian is still trying to get in a make-out session with Chris. She is crying about it. She looks literally exactly like Kim Kardashian when she cries. Â
Ashley is a Kardashian and Chris is a farmer. He doesn’t want time with her. It’s just how the world works, Ash.
However, eventually, they do get to make-out and it made me cringe even more than last week, which I truly did not think was possible.
Ding ding ding. Rose Ceremony time.
Ashley Kardashian is a nine-out-of-ten confident she is going to get a rose because she told Chris she wanted to be called first. She gets called last, and just makes it by the hoop of her earring… again. I have no idea who went home because I was just making sure Ashley S. got a rose.. Hoping her crazy comes out to play again next week.
See ya next week lovers of reality TV.
xoxo
Kimber
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Picture credits:
Kimber Antrobus