Photo by Fab Lentz
I always believed my friends wanted the best for me and typically they do. However, at one point I learned there are some friends that will be more invested in what benefits them over anyone else.
Ending a toxic relationship was not difficult for me. I was not going to stay in a friendship/relationship filled with negativity. I was not used to having to end a toxic relationship with someone I considered my best friend.
My freshman year of college I made a friend I believed would be my best friend for years to come; there were dozens of study sessions, birthday presents, rough breakups and hour long phone calls. Our plans to be each other’s maid of honor and end up neighbors as adults made the relationship seem eternal.
I never thought this friendship would end up being a toxic one.
The toxic behavior started small with arguments that always ended up being my fault. She would ask for my opinion on situations she was dealing with and if it was not the answer she wanted, then she would ignore me for days.
She had an obsession with weight loss that she would often push on to me and made me feel inferior for growing up in a lower income class than she did.
Whenever I would confront her about the behavior she would apologize and she would improve for a week or two. I regularly believed in her and her apologies and I just felt this was part of accepting her flaws with the friendship.
I did not realize how harmful this friendship was until I began to dread talking to her. I knew something had to give.
This toxic friendship caused me a lot of stress and I would often feel sick from the endless arguments we had. I realized at one point that despite how long we had been friends, the constant stress and feelings of guilt were not worth it. I had to end the friendship.
I realized immediately after cutting off ties I had waited way too long to do so. I felt instant gratification, the majority of the stress I had been feeling was gone and I could breathe easily again.
Part of the reason I had waited so long to end the friendship was I feared not having her as my friend. I felt the loss of her was going to be worse than any guilt she was causing me to feel. I did not realize the other wonderful friendships I had because she made herself my main concern.
It has been a few months since I ended the friendship and my life has greatly benefited from it. Even though the relationship ended from her toxicity, I do thank her for the good years of friendship.
A toxic friend may not always appear as one and they will not always show their true colors until years into the friendship. The toxic behavior may not even present as such. Many toxic behaviors my friend displayed I blew off as her having a bad day or me being in the wrong.
Friendship is magical – it is said all the time in fairy tales and Disney movies and I fully believe in it. But, there is a point in some friendships where it is no longer a healthy relationship and despite all your best efforts it cannot always be saved.