Photo By Mihai Surdu
This past month there was an overwhelming amount of Facebook statuses and tweets holding a simple message stating, “Me Too.”
Following that was the explanation, “If all the women – and men – who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘Me Too’ as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.” There were close friends, family members, old teachers and people I barely knew sharing this status, but I was struggling to post it myself.
I struggled because the only people I had told about my assault were my mom, my sister, my best friend and my therapist. I struggled because those people only knew about the one assault. I struggled because they did not know about the boyfriends’ that had pressured me into sex, they did not know that I still struggle with the memories. I struggled because I was never one to talk about myself openly like that.
Making this status was like the dream where you show up to class naked and I felt naked in front of hundreds of people. So, I posted it. I stood in my nakedness for everyone to see.
I immediately felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. The embarrassment came from the fear of what others were going to think of me after reading this post – were they going to look down on me, or were they going to see me differently now?
My uncomfortableness came from the realization that I just shared this huge part of me with people that I would have never considered telling. Let’s face it, you do not really just tell the people you work with about being sexually assaulted.
I could have just deleted the post and pretended like I never even posted it. I made that post over two weeks ago and I am still tempted to just delete it and forget it. Why don’t I?
I do not delete it because a week after posting it I received a message from a friend I have known for 14 years telling me that they have been through a similar situation. I do not delete it because if I delete it, I feel like I am still trying to pretend like none of it happened. I do not delete it because I feel like if I delete it, then I am silencing my voice and that I am silencing the voices of those that need to see this message. I do not delete it because there are so many people that need to feel heard. I do not delete it because I need to feel heard.
Posting it made me uncomfortable, embarrassed and terrified, but it gave me a strength I did not know I had. I posted, “Me Too” for everyone to see and maybe it will give others a sense of the magnitude of the problem.