Maybe I’m a pessimist when it comes to dating, but I find it a lot easier to nitpick on dates than to find the things that went well. Personally, I’m not one to open up easily, so I’m usually on high alert. For those who feel the same, it might be time to start looking for the positives in dates, something I believe I need to work on. Here’s a compilation of advice I’ve found – some of which I’ve happily experienced – when attempting to look on the bright side of dating.
- Asking follow-up questions
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Dates who are genuinely interested in you will ask very thoughtful questions. The best dates I’ve been on were the ones that made me think. Whether it was asking a follow-up about my job, school, music taste or passions, the date was curious to know more about me. Furthermore, it’s a sign when they ask you the “why” piece of how you choose to live life that they are really listening. I really appreciate it when I have a question that stumps me.
- Feeling at ease
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Though my dates haven’t ended in a relationship, I’ve actually made some friends, and a good date should feel just as comfortable. My friends that are in healthy relationships describe their experiences the same way. When they have a conversation, it feels natural and not forced. While it’s hard to be calm and collected on a nerve-racking date, being around this person makes you forget about your worries. The interaction feels comfortable and should be a stress reliever, not a stress inducer.
- Giving some space to be you
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Having friends, hobbies, and even alone time is encouraged by your potential partner. When you visit them again, there’s always more to talk about. Regardless of your compatibility, there is such a thing as spending too much time with someone. Providing a good amount of space allows both parties to be their own person. Besides, being together all the time would get boring. Learning about the different activities you and your potential partner enjoy is fun and promotes individuality. You wouldn’t want to fuse into being the same person.
- Respecting everyone
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While it’s easy to respect those you care about, it’s important that your date respects those around you. There are a variety of examples to look out for: communicating in a kind voice to the waiter if something goes wrong, taking the time to say hello to the greeter in a store, being patient when your coffee order takes forever, etc. How your date treats strangers reveals a lot about their character, and potentially, how they will treat you when something goes wrong.
- You like their friends
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This might not be a first date green flag, but it’s definitely one you can examine as the relationship gets deeper. You can tell a lot about a person from who their friends are, not to mention how your date speaks about their friends. Does their friend group display some of the green flags mentioned earlier? If so, it most likely means your date is truly who they say they are, and they aren’t masking a negative side. Knowing your date hangs around good people is important.
This article isn’t encouraging you to ignore red flags, but to date without added fear. Regardless if this potential date ends up being your partner or not, at least there’s no downside to whether or not it works out. Your date could contain none of these green flags, and now you know to get the heck out. If your date displays these green flags, but you just aren’t clicking, you could have a great new addition to your friend group. However, if the stars align and you’ve found your perfect match, go for that next step. By looking for those green flags, hopefully, you find the people you’re looking for, no matter where the connection takes you.