Okay, so this article may seem niche, but if you go to school far from home (more than two hours), then maybe you’ll understand. I am from Saint Louis, so any time I want to go home for the weekend to visit family, I have to prepare myself to drive four hours each way. Now I know that four hours isn’t terrible, but it’s also not fun. So, without further ado, I present to you: a comprehensive timeline of my drive from STL to KC.
Pulling out of my driveway:
Okay, here we go! I can do this. Four hours is nothing!
10 minutes in:
Okay, I hate this. Should I just turn around and drop out of college? No, that’s a little extreme. I’m literally not even to the highway yet.
30 minutes in:
Did I forget to pack *enter important item here*? Probably not. I’m just being paranoid… I should definitely get off at the next exit and check just in case. *Checks trunk for item* Oh thank goodness, it’s there. We’re good!
One hour in:
25% of the way done, go me! Time to celebrate with an overpriced latte. *sits in a drive-thru waiting for coffee, ultimately adding 10 minutes to my trip* Ooh, this coffee is gonna be so good! *immediately burns my tongue*
One and a half hours in:
My coffee is gone and so is my energy. How extra would it be to rent a motel room in the middle of Missouri and finish my drive tomorrow? Stop being dumb, you can do this.
Two hours in:
WOOHOO, Columbia! Halfway there! And I only felt like falling asleep at the wheel five or six times. Come on, you can do two more hours.
Two hours and five minutes in:
I am not going to survive for two more minutes, let alone two hours. I hate this. I hate it. I should buy a private jet so I never have to drive across the state again. *Remembering I could barely afford the latte I bought earlier*
Two and a half hours in:
Guess it’s time to start my third true crime podcast of the day. Is it possible that the rate at which I listen to true crime podcasts is desensitizing me to the atrocities of murder? Nah. Could I potentially become a murderer? I sure hope not.
Three hours in:
Okay, it’s starting to get dark. No more serial killer content for me. Time for a private car concert. I could really use another coffee. No, gotta save up for my private jet.
Three and a half hours in:
Oh my gosh, the end is in sight! If I keep pretending that I’m in a Celine Dion music video, I am going to lose my voice. (This is the time in my drive that I usually start verbalizing my internal monologue; yes, I talk to myself in the car).
Getting off the highway:
*Finishing my incoherent monologue about something irrelevant* I literally feel like I haven’t slept in 138 hours. I am so close! You can do this!
Pulling into the parking lot of my apartment:
I would rather stab myself in the eye with a red ink pen than carry my bags into my apartment right now. Should I give up and sleep in my car? No, my bed is the goal.
Walking in the door:
FINALLY! I’m not even going to pretend that I’m gonna unpack right now. My clothes will be fine in my duffel bag for a week or so (or until I go home again). Time to crawl into bed and….*snoring*
So, as you can see, driving back to KC is not my idea of a fun time, but I make the most of it with coffee, murder and crazy babbling. Whoever said that getting there is half the fun has clearly never driven on I-70 for 200+ miles. The next time you go for a long drive, think about this: at least you’re not listening to me scream/sing off key at the top of my lungs. Good luck, stay alert and drink caffeine; you’ve got this!