Before I reached high school, I identified as straight. I knew I liked guys a lot (and, as I got older, I liked them a lot more) and I thought girls were pretty, too, but was never interested in them like I was interested in men.
One day, when I was fourteen, I saw a photo of one of my female friends that shook me and made me ask, “Am I gay?”
I grappled with this for a while before I settled on the fact that no, I’m not gay, because I like men. In my mind that was it. I couldn’t like guys and girls—certainly, I would’ve known that, felt that when I felt attraction to guys. And, surely, I’d feel the same way about guys as I did with girls, and it would’ve been a fifty-fifty split, in that for every guy I found attractive, I found a girl attractive as well.
Wrong. Sexuality doesn’t work that way.
I’ve still struggled with fully defining my identity, but that’s okay. I recently settled on the term bisexual, but that could change. My sexuality is fluid; I get that now. I don’t know my sexuality or at least as well as I thought I did and that’s okay. Nothing is set in stone for everyone. And that’s fine.
It’s okay to question your sexuality.
You may have heard this before. You may have heard it several times in your life, whether from friends or family members or social media posts. Heck, maybe someone just told you this yesterday. Maybe you got this reassurance during middle school or high school. Maybe you’re wondering why the heck this applies to you when you don’t even know me.
On the other hand, maybe you’ve been in the same boat as me. Maybe you’re questioning your sexuality. Maybe you wonder if you’re bisexual, or if another label fits your identity better. Maybe you feel like you have to have it all figured out by now, in college, in your twenties—however old you are now.
That’s okay.
Sexuality is like other aspects of my life and identity. It doesn’t mean it isn’t important or that it’s not treated differently by others. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect politics and your rights and the way you live your life. There are a lot of prejudices out there and it, unfortunately, makes our life harder than it should be. But that’s not your fault. Embracing, claiming your sexual identity is perfectly fine. It just means that it’s another part of you, like any other part of your identity. It’s a marker you use to encompass all you are as a wonderfully complex person.
Once again, it’s worth repeating: It’s okay to question your sexuality.