9 People You Should Delete from Your Phone

-Though this one may seem a little obvious, allow me to elaborate: NOTHING good will come out of you sending him an “I miss you” text while you’re wallowing in self pity, and/or a large glass of wine. The forecast for tomorrow will be a 100% chance of regret and a 75% chance of bitterness for his lack of response. You’ll get your point across ten times quicker if you just take a vow of silence. Make him wonder what you’re doing; if you’re over him and under someone else. That text may say “I miss you” but all he sees is “I’m drunk and vulnerable and annoying.” Plus, just picture it: he does text you one night after you delete him and you answer saying “Sorry, who’s this?” Ooooh, do you need some ice for that burn? Sorry we’re not sorry. 

 

2. Your ex-boyfriends mom. 

-Because why? You probably never even really wanted to have this number in your phone while you were dating, so why keep it now that you broke up? Keeping contact with his mom at this point is just weird. Don’t be that girl. 

 

3. Your first awkward freshman hook-up. 

-Everyone knows that your first hook-up in college is always a disaster (unless you’re one of those girls who ended up dating the first guy they ever hooked up with in college and in that case we hate you). Remember all of the unanswered questions we had as naïve freshman? Do I booty call you or do you booty call me? Whose room should we go to? Do we cuddle after? How late do I stay with them in the morning? And so on. The answer is it doesn’t matter who booty calls who, as long as the end result is a little hanky panky. But as for the rest, he better know that he’s coming to your room, and he better cuddle the shit out of you until you fall asleep (which at that point you separate and starfish the whole bed), and once you wake up you exit immediately if not sooner. However, we all know we embarrassed ourselves and didn’t follow one or all of these rules as freshman, and for that reason they get the delete button.

 

4. That weirdo from your group project. 

-That god awful project is over and this group member never did anything anyway but sit there and throw out absurd ideas. This delete is so self explanatory it hurts. 

 

5. Your creepy old boss. 

-Pretty sure a majority of us has had one of these. You know the one who looks at you a little too long, rubs up against you a little too hard when he walks by, and calls you into his office for far too many “one on one” work meetings about absolutely nothing. You only put up with this for so long because you needed the money and he was granting you all these exceptions for being late or lazy on the job, but now that you don’t work there anymore giving him the ix-nay might be a good idea.

 

6. An acquaintance from high school. 

-It isn’t like you hate this person or anything. You even might have a few happy memories with them from gym class. There is nothing necessarily wrong with this person, but when you think about it they just really bring nothing to the table. You absolutely won’t be seeing them again so do your contact list a favor and get ‘em gone.

 

7. “Guy from (insert place you met them drunk here).” 

-You know, there’s “guy from bar”, “guy from frat”, “guy from club”, etc. If this “guy” was not even important enough for you to remember a name then I am pretty positive he just won’t be making the cut. Plus, you aren’t really sure if he was cute or if you just had your beer goggles on anyway. Don’t chance it.

 

8. Your ex-best friend. 

-Everyone has that one person they used to be completely and ultimately inseparable with that they just don’t speak to anymore for one reason or another. It could be because they got a boyfriend and left you in the dust or maybe they started dabbling in activities that you just didn’t agree with. No matter what the reason, you simply cannot wrap your head around what this person possibly could have been thinking to just drop you like that. Even just seeing this person’s name just pisses you off to no end so you should save yourself the drama sooner rather than later and just move on. 

 

9. Domino’s Delivery Line. 

-On second thought, keep this one. Nothing wrong with a little drunk impulse pizza indulgence at 2 am. Don’t forget the 7 essential extra sides of ranch, too. So college.