Here’s the thing, I don’t want to immediately sound negative with the title of this article, but hear me out. If you have TikTok, which I’m sure most of you do, and if you are aware of some of the general trends that go around, I’m guessing you’ve seen at least one video crop up on your For You page or the explore page of the “That Girl” trend. It’s definitely pleasing to the eye. I’ll give it that; it really is its own aesthetic.
If you’re familiar with what I’m talking about you probably have a visual in your head right now. Pinks, neutrals, and whites, the only pop of color the occasional luscious green of a house plant. It usually consists of a montage of girls waking up early and getting a jump start on their day, peaceful background music as the sound being used. I LOVE a positivity boost especially online, it puts me in a good mood for the day and keeps me feeling motivated. It reminds me that everything I’m doing, all the work I’ve done is worth it. A positivity fix is a wonderful way to start the day and spread good vibes. But the more of these “That Girl” videos I watched, the worse I actually felt. I got addicted to the trend and watching girls my age live out this perfect day over and over again. I started seeing a pattern within these videos and then took some time to actually analyze what I was watching.
The formula is simple. Wake up between the hours of 6-8am, stretch and drink your lemon water, do a workout or some yoga, skin care, meditate, journal, eat your breakfast, open up your phone and laptop and get your work done for the day. This sounds harmless, and I do actually believe that, at least the original intention of this trend was to a) spread positivity and good vibes, b) motivate others out there and c) maybe set a healthy routine standard for others to follow off of. My point is I really do believe that these videos do not have malicious intent.
However, the more videos I watched, the greater sense of shame I felt. I use the word shame carefully here as it is such an issue online. You’ve probably heard of mom-shaming, slut shaming, etc. There are so many types of shaming on the internet; just google it it’s both depressing and alarming. Mom-shaming and slut-shaming are typically both intentional types of shaming, but the feeling from the recipient is still the same.
Back to “That Girl”, it suddenly registered I was so upset because I felt like, because I wasn’t living my life exactly the way these girls were online, that I was doing something wrong. I started to feel like I was unaccomplished, lazy, unhealthy, self indulgent, and so on. Here’s what I actually realized though. These videos were not necessarily promoting the healthy happy lifestyle they were trying to.
I’ll break it down. Alongside school I work part time at a bar, and I usually come home from a shift between the hours of midnight and 1:30am. I organized my class schedule so that on the days I work, I can sleep in before class the next day. But I started to feel guilty for sleeping in or napping after class and forced myself to stay awake all day which left me overtired and not as focused. Likewise, if I went out on the weekend and stayed up late, I felt guilty again for not waking up early and being productive – even with a raging hangover.
Water. I personally cannot function in the morning without a glass of juice – cranberry juice to be specific. My blood sugar is extremely low in the morning and a glass of juice makes me feel alive. But because I kept seeing large glasses of lemon water I felt like I was being unhealthy for drinking juice (even though I drink water throughout the entire day). I tried to stop drinking juice in the morning which caused me to feel dizzy and low on energy, especially in the heat of the shower in the morning.
Breakfast. I repeatedly watched as girls made a parfait of some sort or just avocado toast. I love a parfait and avocado toast, but sometimes I also like froot loops.
Meditating, working out and journaling are great, I love those habits, but sometimes I wake up and have to haul ass to school. Or sometimes I have so much homework to do in one day that I barely have time to blink.
To cease my rambling while I’m ahead, I was getting upset because I could not attain this lifestyle that looked so dreamy. But then I realized that, at least every day, this lifestyle is NOT attainable. To anyone! We are college students, ladies with social lives and hobbies. I don’t think it’s fair to watch these videos that mostly come from influencers who’s jobs it is to have these perfect, well organized days, and then beat ourselves up for it.
I guess this article is for all my girls out there that put a lot of pressure on themselves. For my girls who have a full class load and a part time job, or a busy social life, or a hobby that takes up your time. For my girls who are perfectionists, my girls who have trouble staying motivated all the time, for my girls who aren’t morning people. I know I’m not the only one out there who has fallen victim to these kinds of trends and used it as a source of guilt or self-loathing or negative self-talk.
I think balance is key, at least in my humble opinion. It’s easier to pick apart pieces of yourself that you don’t like or want to work on, but it’s even harder to practice positive self-talk, to tell ourselves we deserve to relax or stay out late or skip a workout day or eat something unhealthy; but I think we need to try. Go easy on yourself. Wake up early and have a productive day if it makes you feel good. Go out with your friends and stay up until 2 am creating memories if it feels good. These videos follow a formula, they have an intentional aesthetic. But we are individuals, with our own personalities, our own likes and dislikes. And if we truly want to work on ourselves and create the best version of ourselves that we can, we need to cater to those things that make us feel good, and that make us us and create our own aesthetic. We are not a formula, we are not a brand, we are not a trend. We are human.