You Are Not Alone

Hello! I would like to preface this article by saying, I do not generally like to put myself out there. In writing this article, I will be extremely vulnerable with you. I am going to be honest with you by saying that I have been intensely struggling with my mental health recently. I know some of you may also be going through the same thing and that is why I am going to allow myself to be vulnerable throughout this article. I hope this helps make you feel like you are not alone and that there is always someone out there that can help you, even when you feel like the most helpless person on earth. Please enjoy and know that I am in a better mental state now. Thank you for reading and I love and care about every single one of you. 

I have been anxious for all of my life that I can remember. It was never really severe anxiety until 2013, when my dad got stationed in New Hampshire. We lived in California at the time and my dad was in the Marine Corps. We moved around a few times when I was younger, but I was too little to remember or really understand what was going on. That first year living in New Hampshire was probably one of the worst years of my life to be completely honest. I was so anxious every single day to the point where I would sometimes make myself physically sick. Eventually, this passed and I got used to living in New Hampshire. I would have anxiety attacks and panic attacks here and there but I always made it through fine. During highschool, my anxiety attacks were manageable and not frequent which made highschool easier for me than other years. Even the summer before college, my anxiety was not intense, but when I hit that two week mark before I had to leave my home, my parents, my room, and my boyfriend, things started going downhill.

My anxiety hit an all time high when I was preparing to move into school and it only got worse from there. I would have an anxiety attack every couple of weeks or so throughout the first semester of school, but I would go home every weekend to get some relief. Luckily, I only live about 45 minutes away from school, plus I have my car, so I can go home just about whenever I feel like it. Once winter break hit, I was so relieved because I got to be at home and I was super happy all throughout this month-long break. Unfortunately, when the last week of break hit, so did that anxiety all over again.

The entire week before going back to school, I was having either an anxiety attack, or a panic attack every single day. Yes, you read that right. Every single day. I assumed it was just because I was nervous to adjust back to school, and I figured I would be alright once I got settled back in. Oh boy, was I wrong. I started having several extreme anxiety attacks a day. I was skipping classes left and right, and I was sleeping all of the time just to get some relief. This kept happening for weeks and nothing was getting better. I finally realized that maybe it was time to reach out for some help. I did not know who to talk to so I reached out to my academic advisor. She directed me towards PACS and I scheduled my first appointment. I was so anxious for that first appointment that I almost didn’t go. I am so glad I did though because I started making it a weekly thing. I did this for about 4 weeks. Over those 4 weeks, my counselor taught me so many different ways to cope with my anxiety and how to make it more manageable. 

Since then, I have been using different methods to cope with my feelings when I am anxious. PACS truly is one of the best resources available to us on this campus in my opinion. On top of that, I have built off of what I learned in my meetings, and have taught myself some other things to do that relieve anxiety for me. On top of that, I reached out to my parents throughout the whole thing and they were so supportive in trying to help me get better. We even reached out to my doctor and I am going to be starting anxiety medication soon, something that I never saw myself doing.

The moral of my whole story is that it is completely okay to recognize that you are not okay and that you need professional help. It may be hard to grasp the fact that you do need other people’s help and that is okay to feel that way. It can be scary as well as so many other things. Any way that you feel when it comes to mental health  is valid. All I want you to know is it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need therapy, it’s okay to need medication, and it is okay to speak up for yourself. I am proud of you for getting the help you need, as is everyone else who cares about you. I am doing so much better mentally now that I did recognize that I need help. I have gone back to enjoying simple things that would have sent me into a spiral weeks ago. I also have not missed class in the last few weeks which I am super proud of myself for because at one point, getting out of bed was even a struggle for me. I wanted to share my journey with you so that any of you out there who may be struggling can maybe use this as your sign to go out and not be afraid to get the help you need. And remember, you’re going to be okay. You will always end up okay. 

Best Wishes,

Larissa