Growing Up With A Disabled Sibling

Growing Up With A Disabled Sibling

I didn’t understand why my older sister always got more attention than my younger sister and me. Maybe I was just jealous, or I just couldn’t understand what made my older sister different than me. As I grew older, I understood why it may have seemed that way.

My sister has autism.

As a common developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate and interact, Autism is more prevalent in boys than girls. My parents were shocked with disbelief when they found out she was diagnosed.

I couldn’t comprehend what autism was. I always knew my sister, Jackie, was different, but I always thought it was just my imagination.

Coming from a family that lives with a disabled child, my parents had higher expectations for me. I was held accountable for my actions and responsibilities. My parents were a little harsher on me because I was considered the “oldest child.” I always had to be a role model for my sisters. When my sister and I would argue, I would be punished because she was the one with the disability.

I really couldn’t express my feelings directly to my parents. I was healthy, and meanwhile, my sister always needed someone to help her get dressed, brush her teeth, or even tie her shoes. It felt like I had to do everything right the first time without messing up. I couldn’t let my guard down.  

Growing up with a sibling that has a disability has also impacted the way I live at home. My curfews cut shorter than most teens because my sister has a hard time sleeping without everyone at home. Bringing my friends over remains risky because we never know when she would unexpectedly have an episode.

Going out as a family can be one of the hardest things. Everyone stares at us as if we aren’t a “normal” family. Going out to restaurants, to church or even the state fair was a drag. I always got questions during school. 

“Why can’t she stay still?” 

“Why does she break down?”

The lack of respect other people give disabled students has impacted my life. It frustrated me that anyone would treat her with lower respect than they would treat other people whether it was telling them to shut up or make fun of them in the hall.

My sister is now 19 years old, and although we may not be the closest sisters anyone has known, I’m proud to say she walked the stage with me at graduation 2018.

Growing up and living with Jackie has made me realize there is more to life than having freedom and opportunities. Although we may not always connect the way I would like to, at the end of the day, that’s still my sister. Still blood. Still family. I wouldn’t change what happened to her in the world.

Growing up with a sibling that has a disability is not a curse but rather a blessing. It opens your eyes to appreciate the good things in life and the people you love.