Junior Year Jitters

September in Texas never feels like what fall is depicted on television. Fall in movies includes changing leaves, cooler weather (laughs in Texan), and the start of a new school year. Only one of those things is true, but this year feels different. Junior year heads towards the end of my college career, and I am definitely starting to feel the pressure; the pressure of figuring out what I want to do after I graduate, the pressure to find internships, the pressure to keep up my grades, and the pressure to have fun.

My last two years of college haven’t always been the best. I’ve changed my major three times, from Biology to Behavioral Analysis, and now sticking with Anthropology. At the start of sophomore year, I moved into an apartment with three of my friends since freshman year. One left in the middle of the first week of school because we wouldn’t let her boyfriend move in with us (keep in mind none of us knew him). She ended up paying for a place she didn’t live in and moved in with him and his parents. With her gone, she left me and my two other friends to our own devices, but we managed to have fun the rest of the semester; we went shopping, enjoyed the homecoming tailgate and game, and had our own misadventures in a place we started to call home. Things that fall semester were some of the best moments of my life and I was glad I was with people I called my best friends. Until things went sideways.

I may never know the reasons why they did what they did, but the situation allowed me to grow into a better person and made me realize who wants me as a friend and who wants me just to use me. After we got back from spring break, tensions shifted. They slowly began to isolate me, locking themselves in their rooms and giggling to themselves. Both of them worked at the same job, and all of their friends came from there too, so any time they had friends over, all they would talk about was work, never giving me the chance to relate. The whole spring semester was hell and I got to a point where their actions and treatment towards me left me in a heavily depressed state where it was hard for me to get out of bed. I tried talking to them about it but they didn’t want “conflict.” So I messaged them, poured out my feelings and explained to them what I was going through and how their actions made me felt, but they never acknowledged it. Living with the two of them become unbearable and I didn’t even feel comfortable in my own space. 

So I ended up moving out of there early May without a goodbye and no word from them since. I cried about it for about a month, and really mourned over what I thought was a great friendship. I realized that it was never going to work out anyway because they never wanted to talk about any problems we may have had. Our communication was stunted from the beginning. 

What I want out of this year is growth. The fact that I was able to get out of a situation that was hard for me showed that I do have the strength to continue my journey. This year, my junior year, I want to grow into my full potential. This is why I joined Her Campus; this organization will allow me to not only make new friends but to empower me into the woman I know I can be. Her Campus really did save me from what could have been a tragic end to my college career. 

I’m at a point in my life right now where I’m trying to figure out what I want to do in the long run. Do I want to go to law school and be an immigration lawyer? Do I want to put my writing skills to the test and be a travel writer so I can see the world in all of its glory? Or do I want to go with my ultimate back-up plan an go to culinary school to become a chef? All of these are questions I ask myself now as I gear up for this year. I know I’m not the only one with these questions of “what if,” and it’s okay to feel insecure about the future. I think what we can all do now is embrace where we are now, get out of our comfort zones, and really learn how to take care of ourselves when we need to. Self-care and taking care of your mental health is key to making the most of your time. It’s okay not to have the answer to everything ,and asking for help does not mean that you are weak. No one knows what they’re doing, trust me. Talk to your friends, professors, parents, or anyone that will listen and be there for you. To be cheesy and quote High School Musical, “We’re all in this together.”

I’m speaking this out into existence now and repeat after me: Junior year is going to be full of new growth, new friendships, good grades, and new opportunities for making great memories.