So it finally happened. You couldn’t even back out of his parking lot before you dropped the details on your night with your “new husband” in the group message. By the time you pull into your own place you’re already thinking of what text to send him so you can see him again. No, you’re not in love and unfortunately you aren’t any closer to walking down the aisle than you were before you went to his place last night. What you’re actually experiencing is a mental state that plagues women when their soul is snatched in just the right way. Being “dickmitized or blinded by good penis” is a real condition that can turn even the strongest girl’s world upside down. The feeling usually starts immediately after the sexual encounter and leads to you doing things you wouldn’t typically do at that current stage of dating. This includes doing girlfriend or wife things for a guy that is neither your boyfriend nor your husband. Urban Dictionary describes it as being “so hypnotized by (or obsessed with) a guy’s dick that a girl/guy will let them do crazy things and they think nothing is wrong with it”. The severity of the condition can range from a subtle mental takeover to full-blown crazy in love. No one is really safe from being dickmitized and after conducting a little research among college women we were able to identify some signs you’ve been “put under the spell”:
- The “Post Sex Gaze”
C’mon ladies you know what I’m talking about. It’s that look you give him when you know he just ruined your life. After you finish all you can do is lay there with that look of lust and weakness in your eyes. The “post sex” gaze is always the first sign of dickmitzation and if you recognize it quickly you can save yourself from signs 2-9 early.
2) “ The random flashbacks”
You’re sitting in class and all of a sudden you find yourself back in his bedroom kissing his neck while your body does the rest of the work. Unfortunately, time travel is not real yet and you’re still in class making the person next to you uncomfortable. Sex flashbacks are a tell-tale sign the D is taking over your mind and the worst part is they hit you in the most inappropriate places. This often leads to a “wyd” text and sends you further down the rabbit hole.
3) “Wondering where he is at all times when he isn’t with you”
Maybe you were interested in his daily activities before the sex, but now you’re texting him about his breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s bad enough that the sex is always on your mind but now you’re wondering where your source of good loving is throughout the day. The awkwardness of the aspect depends on the status of your relationship with the young man. If he’s your boo this may not seem different from any other day, but if he’s your casual fling it might bring up some red flags. Dealing with this sign is all about self-control so please don’t let yourself casually end up at his job watching him through the window.
4) “Giving him unlimited pull-up access”
Our generation has a common understanding that pulling up is always better than texting or phone calls. Of course, spending quality time in person is amazing but making yourself accessible 24/7 is not the best way to do that. When you catch yourself leaving keys under the mat, keeping the door unlocked, or sleeping with your phone under your pillow like you’re on call there’s a problem.
5) “Stalking his socials”
Maybe you guys met on social media or maybe you didn’t follow him on any socials before he ended up in your bed. Whatever the case is, now his Twitter name is auto saved on your keyboard and you check his feed more than you check the news. You get your girls to watch his snaps so you don’t look too crazy and you remember the color of his senior prom tux thanks to Instagram. Put the phone down and back away, social media stalking often leads to jumped conclusions and accidentally liked tweets.
6) “Buying him food, clothes, gas etc, “just because”
You pull into Whataburger before your midnight appointment to grab a quick bite and as you’re pulling up to the drive-thru you remember how much he loves honey butter chicken biscuits. Treating him to a meal may seem like a nice small gesture at first but after a while, it turns into him sending you requests and you eventually paying for 2 for $20s on your own. When he starts expecting you to bring him breakfast or pick up a present for him when you’re shopping you’ve opened yourself up to be used. Unfortunately, some people are not as giving as you are and they love to take advantage of that.
7) “When you’re “in a relationship” and he isn’t
Referring to him as your “bae” or “husband” is fine in the group chat, but you might want to check yourself once you start curbing guys in the name of your unclaimed man. If a title or common understanding hasn’t been established between the two of you then you have no right to start hating that one girl he keeps mentioning on Twitter. I recognize that this is debatable, but the rules and regulations of talking vs. dating are never-ending and best saved for another article.
8) “Sending him money with no question of repayment”
Now, this is a sign of severe dickmitization. When you decide to drop a few coins in his pocket without any questions it’s time for your girls to confiscate your wallet. This is borderline sugar mama behavior so I’d recommend making all money exchanges mutual unless that’s what you’re going for.
9) “Cosigning for his apartment/car/loan”
If you guys can’t tell already this is one of the deadliest signs of dickmitization and it should be avoided at all cost. Please remember you may not know him forever and you don’t want to put yourself in a position to have to deal with him or his mistakes forever. No man is worth you messing up your credit, especially if he’s only providing good peen and nothing else.
If any of these signs sound familiar to you then you’ve been dickmitzed. The best antidote for this condition is realizing you have it and recalibrating yourself before it goes too far. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and having a good group of friends will get you through it in no time. The most important thing to remember is your worth; every guy does not deserve you and the wonderful blessing you can bestow on his life. And don’t think for a second that this feeling is one-sided, your effect can be just as spellbinding as his.