Hello future me,
If you’re reading this then you know exactly what I’m about to say. I’m writing to you because I know what you’re thinking in this exact moment. That he’s finally changed into the person you’ve always hoped he would become, it just took some time, but you’re both finally at the right place in this moment.
But you’re wrong.
You always do this. Believe in hope, in second chances. But sometimes things end the way they did because it was destined to be that way, no matter how romanticized the idea is.
I want you to remember that day. That November night where you watched everything you had both built over the last three years completely fall apart when the truth came to light. Truth always has a funny way of doing that, almost as if the universe was laughing at your attempt to be happy in your own little world with him, knowing it was going to come to this.
Remember how you felt. Broken and worthless, and most of all, angry. Angry that you let yourself get here, a place where you never wanted to be, and he knew that.
Trust me, I understand how you look at him now and the flashbacks start to creep in, reminding you of a time where he was the light at the end of the tunnel, when you believed that as long as you had him nothing could ever be that bad. But I’m telling you now, that feeling—whatever it was, love, or what you thought love would feel like—isn’t enough. It never was.
You believe that love can heal any damage in a person, mend the pain and make it easier to keep going. And you’re right. But that’s the double edged sword, it has the potential to take just as much as it gave. You may not know what it’s supposed to feel like but I promise you this, living your life waiting for him to come back to you and say the words you replayed in your mind for the last couple months isn’t love.
Caring so deeply about him is okay, I know you still do, despite everything he has done that changed you. But that’s just it.
You’ve changed.
It hurts still, and the wound of him stings when it’s threatened to be reopened, but it’s time. Time to let go of what could have been, the words you should’ve said, and the explanations you should’ve heard.
A part of growing up is accepting this fate and finally being able to walk away despite what he says now.
You know no matter the road, the end will always be the same and nothing you did or do now will change that fate.
So please, this time you walk away for the both of us.
Sincerely,
The girl who remembers