He was there when he wanted to be. The days he decided he cared about her would be the ones she decided to remember. She looks into the pools of his hazel eyes and is reminded of how she got here in the first place. He cared once.
The charisma and humour radiated from him, there was something alluring about him. Even through the broken facade, she was drawn to him whether she liked to admit it or not. They were polar opposites, yet she feels as if they’ve known each other in a former life.
His smile was reassuring. It told her she’d be safe, that he’d catch her when no one else would.
Until he became the one she stumbled over, again, and again, and again.
He became a ghost even when he stood right in front of her.
He became a thief when he stole the memory of them; they were only half his.
He became lost not only to himself, but to her.
He became unrecognizable—a stranger.
Words that were once so delicate and actions that spoke of love louder than he ever could, were tarnished by this person.
Sacred words were replaced with ugly syllables.
It couldn’t be real words because her mind couldn’t wrap around how much he’d changed.
Criticizing, blaming, humiliating, cheating.
It’s okay, he was just upset, he didn’t mean it.
There must be something wrong with her, she must have changed him without realizing it.
But then he came back to her in brief moments and she felt okay.
Love and pain were meant to be interchangeable.
Right?
She fought for him until she lost the parts of herself that were clinging on to whatever was left of her soul.
She would’ve done anything, been anyone, even if it meant sacrificing everything she believed in—her being.
I look back to her now—at them—and I’m sorry.
I’m not sorry that this happened to her; No, I wouldn’t be who I am today without her, but I’m sorry that I disappointed her.
I chose not to love her.
I chose not to choose her.
And for that I’m sorry.
She deserved better, and now that the clouds have passed and the air is clean again, I promise to do right by her.
And only her.