Yet, I still want to trip and fall in love…
Retrieved from Creative Fabrica
Is there something wrong with me? Cupid’s arrows have shot everyone but me… Love may not strike, but it inspires me to wait for my own love story.
In elementary school, I was first exposed to the idea of what a relationship was when one classmate gifted another one a big basket filled with candies, a huge teddy bear, and heart-shaped balloons for Valentine’s Day. Along with movies, dramas, and songs about romance, this experience definitely set high expectations. Once I stepped into high school, I thought that my life would change just like in movies. I would find the “perfect” boyfriend, we would have my dream relationship, followed by the most amazing promposal. I really thought that would happen, but…it did not. My friends told me not to worry about it and that maybe in college I would find “the one.” Now, after 5 years, I still haven’t found the one and I’ve started to relate to Laufey’s lyric: “everyone is falling in love, but I’m falling behind.” So, is there something wrong with me?
At first, I thought I was the only relationship virgin or, as Koreans call it, motae sollo (모태솔로). This term was created for people like me who have never been in a relationship. This topic is not talked about enough since it can be very tough and followed by stigmatization. One day, as I was scrolling through the TikTok For You Page (FYP), I began hearing stories, and seeing stitches about creators sharing their vulnerable experiences with love. I say vulnerable because, according to research, people view those without romantic relationships as less happy, less well-adjusted, and lonelier than others. Sometimes, we feel ashamed and we struggle to figure out if there is something wrong with us because we are never approached or because we’re considered the “ugly” friend.
The first creator that caught my attention was @iamkblake, when she posted a video where she exposes and explores the feeling of being the friend that is never approached, “How do you internalize it? How do you deal with it?” she says. In a stitch, the creator @sophiaacsta explained that feeling perfectly as she mentioned “I’m not a pick me, but I’ve never been picked, so, at least once in my life, can I just feel that?” I think about that statement often, because, when I talk to my friends, they have “answers” but, to me, they do not. A few months ago, I was heavily curious because I wanted to find out if during my time in high school someone had a crush on me, and to my friends, who had been and some still are in relationships, it was a stupid question. They told me to close that chapter in my life, that it was better not having a relationship in highschool anyways BUT, that is the thing, they had that experience of high school romance, I did not. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on an essential experience of growing up, a stage that I have seen all of my friends accomplish.
In another video, the creator @giaalysevlogs compared that experience as being the last kid being chosen for soccer. She commented “why am I the last one being chosen? The common denominator is obviously me and that just makes you feel bad.” She also talked about how people around her talk about self love, but how “it must also be nice to feel desired by other people other than myself.” Honestly, I felt that because I have learned to love myself and be happy on my own, I do not want to change who I am physically or on the inside. I truly want to have a romantic relationship with someone, go on dates, share conversations and have a connection. I have seen everyone around me have that experience, I have listened to their stories, and I’ve even given them advice without even having the experience.
Besides that, there is a TikTok trend called the Roman Empire. The creator @gab1g58, posted “My Roman Empire is that I’ve never had a boyfriend, no one ever seems to take an interest in me, no one looks at me and thinks ‘I want her to be my gf’ and IDK why like damn am I really that bad?” Since I can relate to those words, I began to read the comment section and saw other netizens’ stories. For example, @olivia27042 wrote “Fr, and everyone saying ‘it’ll happen when you least expect it’’ like that doesn’t help.” I agree with her, my friends have used that expression and, personally, I’m tired of it. That phrase is somewhat similar to the expression of “love yourself.” I think that maybe it is because our society and the entertainment industry have set a huge standard on what love is, and on being destined to someone else. Some theories like tarot cards or red string, have also established this idea. We are constantly being bombarded with the perfect idea of love, in movies, in series, in songs, in almost everything, people find each other and sometimes they look at each other for five seconds and boom, they are in love.
If you are reading this article and you are not a “motae sollo,” be empathetic and positive towards your friend who is. Do not invalidate their feelings or make fun of them because they have never been in a relationship. They will get there, they are working step by step every single day waiting for a moment that you’ve probably already had. Do not mention phrases like “it will come when you least expect it” or “trust me, you don’t want a relationship.” They are expecting it, they have seen everyone around them have romantic relationships and have wanted that. Also, saying “you don’t want a relationship,” is contradicting because if you say that then why are you in one…?
However, if you are reading this article and are a “motae sollo” like me, do not feel discouraged. I know that our self esteem in the romance department is a little low, but we still have time to find “the one.” I know that sounds cliché and we have probably heard that before, but it is true. If there is one thing I learned over the past months, it is that we are not desperate because we want to have a romantic life. We are not a “pick me” because we want a little attention. Wanting these things definitely is not and should not be a red flag. Moreover, we do not have to change ourselves to capture attention. I know that you probably have a bunch of questions and “what ifs.” It is completely normal to want these experiences and feel insecure. Love plays an important role in our lives and, as we know, life is a step-by-step process. Remember, we are not “falling behind” like the song says. It is better to wait for someone that really wants us for who we really are. As George Washington said “it is better to be alone than in bad company.”