Growing up in school, we’re taught that there are five elements to every story. The exposition, rising action, climax (and not the sexual one), falling action, and of course… the happy ever afterー or the resolution, to say the least. Certain experiences, periods of time, and even life itself may often feel like a story. For instance: high school, teenage years, relationships, college, work experiences, adulthood, and so on, compile the series of stories that make up our life. When reaching the end of an era though, the feeling can be bittersweet. As I embark on my last year of college with a clear graduation date ahead, I start to see everything from this life chapter fall into and all over the place at the same time.
Coming of age is tricky. Between work, bills, and the pressure to keep up with somewhat of a social life, adulthood seems like the scary villain we’re always warned to stay away from. However, in some stories, we must face our demons and see what awaits us at the end of the yellow brick road. In this case, graduating seems like the last step before officially being a full adult… and that is scary. While being a college student is considered being in the “real world”, there is still some sort of safety net around the student identity. You start to turn into an adult while you’re still a student, but the label of “student” comes first.
Some endings seem so impossible or far away, that once we see ourselves at the finish line… we panic.
For instance, when this academic year started, I was pretty sure it was my last. It wasn’t until I heard: “You’re done, kid” from a cranky administration receptionist that I realized my college chapter was about to end. While a huge feeling of relief came over me… also a big cloud of panic paid a visit to my overthinking brain. When I realized this chapter was ending, I just started thinking about all of the things I felt I haven’t done… and specifically, all the planning I needed to do after I put on my graduation gown in May.
As I paid more attention to my overthinking than anything else (per usual), time has passed, and I have done precisely nothing of all the things I wished to do before I sign off to the weirdly great chapter that has been being a student in la iupi… or at least I thought I didn’t.
While I “hyperfixated” on planning my future post-degree, I didn’t realize that all of those little moments I wished to have or at least cherish before moving on were happening and I wasn’t doing anything to appreciate or remember them. While I was having those fun in-between class moments, I was always thinking about something else… something or maybe someone not worth thinking about while those little things were happening.
It was normal for me to feel pressured to do all those things I haven’t done over the past years. My university experience was forever changed by the pandemic.
The global lockdown stole two and a half years of what could’ve been amazing times and stories around campus. However, it was also naive of me to think I don’t have enough experiences to look back on just because they weren’t set around face-to-face classes. Again, while things have not gone the way I wanted them to, they did happen and did come with a lot of fun, ugly and interesting stories to tell. Our stories aren’t supposed to feel familiar to others. Where is the fun of hearing the same story all over again?
Eventually, I’ve come to learn that things fall into place when we least expect them. As I planned and planned, things took an opposite turn than what I expected because the more I planned, the less I knew what I wanted to pursue post-grad. The more I tried to plan these “picture perfect” moments with my friends, the more they never happened.
Once I let everything fall into and all over the place, things started to take a turn for the better. I’ve come to learn to flow instead of over-planning so much, and to simply organize myself as things happen. For instance, did I plan to have a two-week-long academic recess due to a storm, eventual hurricane, Fiona? No. Did my group of friends organize supplies, resources and clothes to give to those affected? Definitely. Again, while this was not the initial plan, this experience in itself became a pretty, funny but important anecdote to tell amongst multiple others during my four years in la Iupi.
As the semester and my last (but full first year on campus) continues to fly by, I grasp onto every lunch, sidewalk talk, jangueo and outfits me and friends pull around campus. It is inevitable: some things must come to an end. However the memories we create amongst our friends are moments that we will cherish forever.
There’s a whole world waiting to be a part of all the stories I get to tell. When I finish this peculiar story about being a student in Puerto Rico, I get to “brag” about being a student in mid-pandemic, about the political injustice we had to face, the student movements I was a part of, about the hurricanes, the AC systems on campus dying and so, so much more. More importantly, as I start to see the “happy ending” of graduating in May, I embrace feeling both confident and terrified that everything I want to achieve both professionally and personally before graduating will quite frankly fall into… or all over the place.