Disclaimer: the title mentions FORMER pick-me-girl, I want to remind the readers, aka you, of this…because I am not proud of the mindset I had back then.
When I was 10, I had the most horrible watch. I hated it to my utmost dismay, there was something so disgusting to me about it. I can’t recall why. Was it the fact that it fit like a huge lock on my wrist and the rubber would scratch my skin at the slightest movement? Or was it the fact that the 15-year-old worldwide-sensation, Justin Bieber, was plastered on the face of it? I remember begging my mom for a watch only to be disappointed by the fact that it was a Justin Bieber watch when I finally got it. I mean, why would she think I’d like something so girly? An object that depicted me like all the other girls who loved Justin Bieber and would faint at the thought of him? I hated it, but what I hated even more was my guy friends’ reactions to it.
They started to call me an “obsessed fan,” would constantly sing Justin Bieber’s “Baby” in an annoying voice, and lastly, which was the worst for me, would call me a “girly girl.” The funny thing is I prided myself in being a complete tomboy and liking traditionally cool, masculine things, as much as a kid can. I liked Beyblades instead of Barbies, baggy hoodies instead of skirts, and I hated the color pink, but loved blue. I was the ultimate tomboy, yet to my guy friends, I was the extreme girly girl who loved Justin Bieber. Weirdly enough, I noticed a change in their behavior towards me because of this single event (because even as a 10-year-old I was way too observant) and they began to treat me like any other girl, which left me with no friends.
Then I kind of became (and by kind of I mean, completely) the annoying perky girl in middle school, and slowly transitioned into this social pariah. For some reason, I could not fit in whatsoever. I was too loud, too much of a crybaby, too weird, and then I found a holy grail when I was in the 8th grade. I’d hang out with the guys again, diminish my personal feelings and would talk about anything they would want to talk about (even if I didn’t). Many people would call me a pick-me girl because I did this.
I would hold onto anything that kind of depicted the whole pick-me-girl stereotype. I boasted about how I wasn’t like other girls with my actions and would say that having girlfriends was “too much drama” (Ironically, I actually did have a few friendships with girls, even with my mindset being what it was back then). I thought acting like this was okay, in its own special, not-really fulfilling way. I really thought that this is how friendships and people were like.
Until one day I had a conversation with a girl while having a case of the-pick-me’s. I went to her with the purpose of using my “woman powers” (whatever that means) to discover if she had feelings for a friend of mine. The conversation never got to that point though, since she started talking about makeup as she was actively trying to put some on. I passive-aggressively asked if she needed all that to be pretty. She looked at me in shock and said, “Just because I like myself as I am with my girly things, does not mean I am any less than you,” and she walked away, visibly upset.
At that moment, I couldn’t understand why she was so bothered by my comment; I had just said the truth. I mean why did she need all that? Why did she have to be all girly…and confident…and happy? I kept pondering these questions for a long period of time. Why did I say that to a girl who never had the intention of hurting me, until I said something that hurt her instead? I realized that I was being ridiculous. Why did I have to have so much hatred or disdain for the things I didn’t necessarily like, or that I never even had the chance to try? Especially when it came to things like makeup and other girly stuff. I think deep down I realized that the way I was acting was a way of reacting to the fear of not being liked as I am; she was right.
The moment I realized that, I apologized to her and, luckily, she understood that I was genuinely apologetic about what I said. Ironically, after that encounter I started to like more traditionally girly stuff as well; like selfcare products, makeup, and soap operas; they truly made me happy. Being feminine, I noticed, is not a bad thing at all. I might say that it is a power to accept femininity, a way to experience the duality of being human. It is a beautiful way of seeing the world and yourself. I was also lucky enough that some of my guy friends accepted me as I truly was, even if I had to lose some friends who didn’t.
It took me a very long time to create a balance between the two, the tomboy and the girly side of me, but it has been worth it to see how I can combine them both. I think pick-me-girls, just like how I was, are just extremely afraid of being excluded, and they become their own worst enemies for not accepting who they are. Most of them seek validation from someone, which still does not give them the right to judge other girls for being who they are. Overall, I’m glad that I had the realization that I did, because now I can completely accept myself as I am and I’m able to share my chronicles as a former pick-me-girl.