This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UPR chapter.
Have you ever seen the movie Osmosis Jones? It’s one of my favorite movies. Why? Because in a fun, particular way it sort of explains what goes on inside our bodies without being so overly technical about it. I have always thought that the inside of our bodies are made up by “little people” that make up the person we are. I always thought that inside each one of us there is a side for our Self-Esteem and our Subconscious. Those sides are totally different, they think different but they come together and make up what YOU are. If some of us could talk to our Self-Esteem…it would go something like this….
Dear Self-Esteem,
We have known each other for some time now (a couple of years, to be exact), and I consider our relationship a very special kind of friendship. We go to each other when we need help, I go to you whenever I want to buy a new outfit, and I especially went to you when that cute guy from Chemistry Lab asked for that pencil on the first day of class. But I noticed a change in you.
When we were in elementary school you were always so happy, bubbly even, and you never let mean first graders put us down. Even when I was too sad to play you always picked me back up. I could count on you to make my day a little bit better. Remember the day mom packed that super lunch and that girl called us fat for it? You didn’t quiver, making me eat the last bite and telling me to savor it. I’m glad I did because it was the best lunch mom ever packed for us in second grade.
Then, middle school came and we drifted apart for a while. We had a growth spurt that made us taller than half our class, these things called zits appeared on our forehead and our voice…changed. You got scared and that’s when you started doubting. We’re a team and, even when I tried convincing you we were fine, you were still sad. I was sad for a couple of years, especially when we got those braces. Remember those? *shivers* I don’t like remembering them, either. That summer before high school we sat down, watched YouTube videos and learned a bit about makeup. We covered the zits a little bit, our voice changed completely (we sounded pretty normal) and our hair stopped being frizzy all the time. When I showed you the new, improved us…you came back!
You smiled again, you flipped our hair and you even asked mom for new outfits for school. Mom was happy to have gotten her Girl back so, naturally, she agreed. Our first day in high school went by smoothly. You and I were the Dream Team. We were unstoppable. Subconscious and Self-Esteem side by side like it should be. We were the envy of many other girls and their self-esteem because we were secure in our friendship.
That is until him. Our heart decided it was a good idea to let him in, and I knew I was losing you again. He broke our heart in unimaginable ways, and even though mother tried to tell us “it would be okay”, you only focused on the bad words he called us, on the fact all his friends called us hideous, fat and nerdy. You replayed those words over, over, over and over again until…until I started believing them too. And when I believed them, there was no turning back. We became quiet, we stopped doing our makeup as often, and we never asked mom for new things. We stayed quiet the rest of high school and then when college came and all the competitiveness surrounded us, we didn’t know how to handle it.
You started questioning every decision we took. You started doubting everyone we talked to. You started turning us into a cold, antisocial person afraid of letting anyone in and now I am telling you: that’s enough.
I can’t protect our heart all the time, we have to be a team. Don’t let me do this all by myself because I get very tired, very quickly, when I do. Let’s go back to those elementary and early high school days. Remember those? Where we were a happy team. We didn’t care what others thought and we didn’t let stupid boys and their friends influence our personalities. I love you for who you are and that should be enough for you. If you can’t accept my love then I won’t be able to let anyone else in. Are you willing to be a team again? I’m ready whenever you are…love yourself again because I will forever love you.
Love,
The subconscious part of this body of ours.
Love yourself. It just takes a step a day.