Ms. Britney Spears: icon, mother and pop princess truly said it best in “…Baby One More Time.” I felt attacked in so many moments while analyzing this song. How was I supposed to know that something wasn’t right here?: in other words, how was I supposed to know that I was getting too used to being alone? Being single feels great, until my feelings started to show me how I want it to be. Tell me, baby, ‘cause I need to know…: Do I want to be in a relationship or do I only want attention? Is it possible that I want to be hit on (baby) one more time? while my loneliness is ‘killing’ me. (And I) I must confess, I don’t feel entirely bad about it.
You see my problem is this: I’ve concluded that, right now, love is definitely out of sight. Being in a relationship is clearly not in the cards. However, the boy I like really has me blinded, it’s not the way I planned it, but it’s true. I cannot control what I feel for him and you could say that when I’m not with him, I lose my mind. However, I can control what I do about it: nothing. Why? Ms. Spears has not answered that for me, yet. Nevertheless I just know that staying single is the way to go right now. My independence, focus, and free time seem more sent from above than telling a guy how I feel.
Usually, people assume that being in a relationship equals some sort of success. Having something with a significant other makes us feel loved, accomplished, and attractive, even. But I have to wonder, why do we have to be in a relationship to feel this way? Why can’t I feel all of these things being single?
However, sometimes I realize that being single is not as empowering as I paint it out to be. Like everything, some days are harder than others. Surviving what I call “The Couple Season” (festivities starting in November all the way through February) was hard.
Sometimes you want a significant other to be thankful for, someone to pose with next to the Christmas tree, to kiss on New Year’s, and most recently, to celebrate with on Valentine’s Day. Losing my senses, that is just so typically me (oh baby, baby). I also realized that I deserve to celebrate these festivities exactly the way I would if somebody was in the picture with me. Being thankful for my own achievements, posing (stupidly hot) in front of my Christmas tree, and although kissing yourself as fireworks burst in the sky might be weird, I’ll find a way to show myself the love I deserve.
You see, being single while being into someone is not about shutting your feelings off. There have been multiple people that have come around and without knowing: Oops, I did it again! I played with your heart. Just because I have a crush on you, it doesn’t mean I won’t allow myself to also feel for and talk to other people. After all, Britney said it best in “3”: Peter, Paul and Mary can also be in the mix, after all, everybody loves counting… right? Right now, I feel that in order to be ready for a relationship, I should have some goals and priorities set in place; for others, it might work the other way around. There is no right way to do this.
So, I don’t think my crush on this guy will go away any time soon. But, there is also something valuable in allowing yourself to feel. I’ve been into this person for more than a year now and the things I have been able to learn about myself from this experience are ever-changing. Will I ever tell this person how I feel? Maybe I already did… After all, I already told you. I’m not that innocent.