People always said I looked like her, so when I was very little I made it my goal to be just like her. She was always smiling and the only times I saw her sad or crying, she would lock herself up in her room. I guess she learned that from our mother, one of the strongest women in my life. My older sister, Rhaiza Vélez (maybe you’ve seen the video of her in El Nuevo Día), was one of my idols and the last one to get married after my oldest sister, Myra, so I was very close to her. She was the first person I called to tell her when I had my first kiss, and the one who taught me how to read for fun. She’s the reason I’m into writing; when I was smaller I would read her diaries, all of them filled with her daily stories and her poetry. She wrote beautiful poetry when she was in high school. She got married when I was 9 years old and had three beautiful children not long after. The smallest one, Mauricio, was six months old when she was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. He had just turned one when she died on January 23 last year.
Rhaiza on the left.
When they diagnosed my sister, I didn’t quite understand what was going on. I don’t even remember anything but sitting in the back of my oldest sisters car, her husband driving and looking back at me through the rearview mirror, asking if I understood what was happening; if I understood that my sister had cancer. I understood perfectly, but I didn’t want to.
Losing my sister was like losing an arm or a leg. I felt incomplete, like I had lost a part of me and I knew I wasn’t ever going to get it back. At her funeral, I tried my best not to cry. I wanted to be strong for my parents and my oldest sister. I wanted to be strong for my nephews who were burying their mother way too soon. I wanted to be strong for everyone there, and I guess in a way I was also trying to distract myself from my own pain. I felt like I didn’t spend enough time with her, like I didn’t do as many things with her. I could have called her more. I could have kissed her more or hugged her more. I could have invited her to lunch one day or went to visit her more often. So many could haves that I knew that if I let myself drown in them, I’d never make it out. So I made sure I wasn’t thinking about those what ifs and could haves. I concentrated on being there for my parents, for my sister and my nephews and my brother-in-law and my aunt and my grandmothers. Maybe it was a mistake, but even if it was, I know I would do it all over again.
My sister died of cervical cancer, a cancer associated to the Human Papilloma Virus, the most common sexually transmitted disease. It is estimated that 80% of sexually active people will have this virus in their lives, and although most people get rid of it on their own, some others develop it into more serious things. There are several cancers associated to this disease; these are: cervical, anal, vaginal, penis, oral and genital warts. The worst part about this disease is how preventable it is and how little we know about it as young adults who should be much more informed about a disease that affects us so closely, because, let’s face it, we’re not innocent children and things aren’t like our parents wish they were sometimes. According to Guttmacher institute, 71% of teenagers have had sex by the time they reach the age of 19 years old, but not even half of those know the actual consequences of unprotected sex and not taking care of themselves the way they should. Thus, ending in many cases like my sister.
HPV is not what killed my sister, though. What killed my sister was the lack of protection she had against it. When she was young, Cervarix, the first HPV vaccine had come out to the market, but since no one knew the side effects and it was such a new vaccine, she never got it. When my parents found out about my sister’s condition, they had me get my three shots of the vaccine. To me, the most shocking fact about my sister’s condition was how preventable it could have been and how easy it was to avoid it.
I won’t lie and say I was aware of this when I was supposed to. I will admit I became interested in the subject after I came face to face with the reality of losing someone as important to me as my sister to something so easy to avoid. It will continue to infuriate me how little I knew before this, because I believe I should have been informed, she should have been informed and I believe all of us as teenagers and young adults should be informed. It’s our schools’ and our doctors’ job to let us know about the risks we are taking once we enter a certain age, and whether you’re into vaccines or entirely against them, I have come to figure out a few things since her death.
First of all, the vaccine has no side effects that are major. The only side effects are the same that go for other shots like headaches or maybe dizziness out of pressure of having to get the vaccine, but in reality, there have been no confirmed side effects (VACCINES DON’T GIVE YOU OR ANYONE AUTISM!).
Another thing is that parents many times believe that by giving us this vaccine, they are giving us permission to have sex because it now protects us from HPV. MYTH. Parents raise us how they raise us and they should believe in their teachings. With the vaccine they are protecting us from death, not giving us permission to have sex and however they want to look at it, if we’re informed, it is our job to talk to them, because we have a right to a life free of HPV.
Lastly, a huge Mythbuster: IT IS ALSO FOR BOYS. Many people believe this vaccine is only for girls because the first vaccine was originally just for girls, but the new ones Gardasil and Gardasil 9 are for boys and girls ages 11-26.
My sister would still be here if she had been protected. I could sit here and talk all day about all the things she could have done differently, because she wasn’t perfect. No one is. But she was a beautiful person, and she left a legacy for me and for my family to follow. She left behind three amazing boys. She left behind a message for us all and that is that there should be no more death because of this disease. We can’t really protect ourselves from all the bad things in the world, but if we can protect ourselves from at least a few more things, shouldn’t we do it?
My sister did not deserve to die. She had one of the most beautiful souls I have ever seen in my life. She wanted to see her children grow up. I wanted her to be at my graduation. I wanted her to see me go off to my first day of college and when I got into law school. I wanted her to be there at my wedding, and I wanted her to see my children born. I wanted her to be there when I got my first job and when I achieved all my goals. I know she’s not gone. If I let myself believe she isn’t for just one second, I’d have failed her and I can’t do that. She’s still with me and I promised her I would make sure I did my best so that no one else had to die of this; I would do my best to carry one her message. This is me, keeping my promise to my beautiful other half, Rhaiza.