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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UPR chapter.

A lot of us have experienced that horrifying chest pain after discovering our significant other cheated on us. What we thought would last forever ends abruptly. Our world is suddenly turned upside down and the heartbreak takes over. It’s a traumatizing experience in which some victims even begin to question what they did wrong to deserve that deception. While some people cheat out of spite, boredom, or even blatant disrespect, others cheat because they are not fully satisfied with only having one sexual partner. 

Yes, monogamy may be the answer for some people; but others need to take a good look in the mirror and accept that it may just not be the right fit for them. Although it has been the relationship norm since Adam and Eve, some modern relationships are beginning to accept that they cannot conform to the standard one-on-one. While some prefer to cultivate polyamorous relationships where one is emotionally and mentally engaged with more than one person, others can opt for open relationships.

What is an open relationship?

Unlike a polyamorous relationship, open relationships involve one single romantic connection but multiple sexual partners. However, this doesn’t mean that couples in these types of relationships can go about their lives sleeping with whomever they want. In fact, the infamy behind open relationships stems from difficulties that aren’t discussed prior to engaging in a non-monogamous relationship. Therefore, establishing a healthy, open relationship requires that both parties communicate clearly to establish boundaries and guidelines about how this type of relationship will work out. 

Set sexual and emotional boundaries

Can my partner sleep with friends, strangers, or both? Should they sleep with them more than once? How much time can they dedicate to other sexual partners? These are only a few of the many questions that could arise when you discuss this decision with your partner. Open relationships are not a “one size fits all” situation. What is acceptable for some couples may be considered disrespectful for others. So, make sure your communication is as clear as possible when determining the level of openness in the relationship. Not only does establishing boundaries help maintain balance and respect inside the relationship; but it also protects against unexpected surprises, like STDs or unwanted pregnancies.  

Even so, as the relationship develops, it’s important to check up on how your partner is doing every so often. Are they comfortable with how everything is going? Or is something bothering them? A couple can initially decide to share the specifics of each other’s sexual experiences or agree to sleep with an unlimited number of people. However, if either party begins feeling uncomfortable with these guidelines, they should be modified. Keep in mind that open relationships shouldn’t be treated as a “free pass” to do whatever or whomever you want. Instead, make sure your primary partner’s needs and feelings are always taken into consideration when it comes to sex. 

Do it for the right reasons

Open relationships allow individuals to fulfill the sexual needs that their current partners can’t satisfy. However, this doesn’t mean that couples who choose open relationships aren’t in love. Some couples have different libidos or enjoy different kinks. For these couples, establishing an open relationship stems from the need to fully explore their sexuality in a mature and honest way. Similarly, open relationships are a great way for mixed-orientation relationships to explore the physical attraction they feel towards others without having to break up with their partner. Open relationships, however, are not a means to fix what is broken. Although some couples can bounce back from infidelity, adding more people to the equation will only complicate the situation. Additionally, open relationships require a deep level of trust and communicationăƒŒvalues that are evidently lacking if either partner was unfaithful in the first place.

Always be honest

One of the most important rules (if not the most important) is to always be honest with your partner. If the purpose of having an open relationship is to avoid hurting your primary relationship, don’t hide things from them. Communicate everything worth communicating and genuinely listen to them when they bring their own concerns to the table. 

Andrea is currently majoring in Journalism at the University of Puerto Rico, Río Piedras Campus. She’s an introverted empath who enjoys long drives while listening to good music. When it’s time to sit down and write, coffee and Led Zeppelin serve as her inspiration.