It is inherently human to be selfish. We either look out for ourselves or our people, but it usually revolves around us. There’s nothing wrong with this kind of thinking, usually. However, this mindset can lead to friction when we interact with others, since our existence doesn’t take place in a vacuum. This means that, to lessen conflict, we need to be mindful of those around us, which in turn leads us to developing empathy toward others.
If we look at a domestic scenario, our habits become lost on us; it’s not something we see. Everyone else around us does, though. Living conditions can better or worsen because of these habits. The practice of thoughtfulness is about communicating with those around you and listening and reflecting. It’s an exercise that makes you step outside of yourself—and it’s not easy.Â
Being thoughtful comes down to our behaviour and how we take it into consideration around others. This can simply mean picking up after yourself or not leaving notebooks and papers in common areas. It can also be listening to music with earbuds, instead of using a speaker and creating noise. This behavior check becomes easier to anticipate depending on how well you know the person you live with.Â
This is obviously a two-way street, but showing initiative usually prompts others to mirror good habits. Avoiding friction isn’t about jumping to conclusions and walking around eggshells around the people you live with. You might just be adding unnecessary pressure to yourself. If you were to have a new roommate you barely know, you shouldn’t shrink yourself into a corner so they don’t notice you live there, too. You should talk about boundaries and what’s okay to share and have in common areas, some pet peeves that might come up in the future, and so on.
Sometimes it can be more difficult to have these conversations when they’re with people we’ve known for longer. We can become too comfortable around siblings and parents, which can mean that most of our discomfort around these people remains unspoken—almost like our habits don’t count because it’s them. Yet when it comes to friction in these situations, it can be more explosive and loaded since it comes with baggage and history. Life around family becomes routine and we fall into bad habits that can chip away at anyone’s patience. Breaking out of these habits is hard; there’s no sugarcoating it. What can help, however, is taking notes.
If we treat our family’s feedback on our habits like the information given in a class, we can take notes. These notes are easier to remember and remind us of what behaviors to avoid. We’re not always going to get it right though, we’ll miss a few answers the first few times. And that’s totally normal.
The practice of thoughtfulness isn’t a constant state of mind. We won’t have it ever-present in our heads. Honestly, that would be exhausting and unrealistic. It’s very much like exercising your body to have a better posture. You have to work at it constantly until you do it unconsciously, but it’s going to take time. Arguments will definitely still happen, but it’s good to have tools to deal with them and improve our living atmosphere; of course, what works best will vary and only we know ourselves well-enough to know what will work and what won’t. What’s important is to always try our best again tomorrow.