Surprise, surprise! It’s that time of the year, again. The perfect moment to celebrate romance, because you can’t be nice to the one you’re crushing on the other 364 days of the year! I love this season, I do. We’ve brought you the steps to have the tackiest V-Day ever; this year I’m thinking of all those out there, like me, who don’t know what to do throughout this chaotic day. But fear not! I’ve made a list for all those single people out there who don’t know what to do in overcrowded motel day:
Disclaimer: I am a very sarcastic writer, and I’m just trying to make a joke, please do not take this in any way seriously.
1. Get your wisdom teeth removed: What better way to pass Valentine’s Day than being knocked out unconscious? It’s perfect, you might get some potential amnesia to forget this day! You don’t get to hear the sappy poems your neighbor’s boyfriend made for her, and you won’t be curious to find out what your ex is doing this day… because you’ll most likely still be on cloud nine.
2. Stalk your ex through Valentine’s Day: If you can’t do the first choice because: 1) you already had them removed, or 2) you’re terrified of doing it, we’re giving you plan 2: go out with your ex on Valentine’s day… without him noticing. Be his personal distance photographer. Capture those beautiful romantic moments he has, and when you’re home paste your face in all of the pictures. Send him the card afterwards. That’s true love.
3. Watch chick flicks: Okay, maybe you don’t feel like doing the extra work. So there’s always chick flicks. Don’t forget to go to your nearest Walgreens to get ice cream, chocolates, vodka… and Kleenex.
4. Go to a Girls Night Out:There’s nothing more depressing and endearing than watching men in thongs at your feet. Think about it ladies, it’s not so bad. *proceeds to buy ticket*
5. Do research in Condom World: Still don’t have an investigation subject? We’ve got you covered with this idea. Get a job at Condom World on V-Day, and see what people buy. Stare at them, smile, wink at them when they buy handcuffs and whips for this phenomenal day.
6. Buy an awesome board game to play with your friends: Before quitting Condom World, don’t forget to buy these awesomes games with your employee discount.
7. Throw a party: This is my all time favorite. It’s a classic. Throw the “I Hate Valentine’s Day” Party. Requirement? Bring in your favorite drink and things you would like to burn down.
And lastly…
8. Buy the discount candy: That’s what happiness is all about. Happy calories. <33