Let’s talk about the number one enemy of trying new things and being successful at it: self-sabotage.
I am not proud to admit that I have considered myself the queen of self-sabotage at some point in my life. Sometimes I’m debating whether I should take back the throne or not. Don’t worry, I’m fully aware that I shouldn’t.
Since I do not have a portable mental dictionary, I did some research to write this article for you. I’ll try my best to not turn it into an info-dump of boredom.
The folks at Positive Psychology found that “self-sabotage occurs when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder our own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values.”
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Perhaps the word “destroy” is a bit strong, but it does make sense. When we self-sabotage, we tend to wedge an obstacle in between ourselves and the goal we want to achieve. It doesn’t even have to be a huge goal; it can be a simple habit such as not scrolling through social media the moment we wake up. I speak from experience that it isn’t a good habit; it can easily ruin my mood first thing in the morning.
An example of self-sabotage can be: procrastinating when you’re supposed to be working on an assignment or on achieving a specific goal, and not turning something in because it isn’t “perfect” yet. It’s stopping ourselves from doing something important because it feels overwhelming or too big of a project to tackle, and, as a result, we end up not doing anything.
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The people that suffer the consequences of self-sabotage are ourselves. How many years have you looked back on your January goals and thought “I wish I hadn’t given up” or, “I regret never starting this”. We can become our worst enemies if we don’t become aware and tackle the big obstacle of self-sabotage.
But, how do we work on this? In one sentence, Psychology Today sums it up: “Documenting and analyzing behavior is a key component of preventing self-sabotage.”
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It all starts with introspection. Yes, that means diving into yourself and getting to the root of why you do it in the first place. Everyone will have a different answer, and ways of dealing with their self-sabotaging tendencies. Self-reflection is a vital part of solving the problems within. You can write to figure out why you self-sabotage, talk to someone about it (a professional, as in, a therapist), or simply take note of your habits and the moments where you resist doing what you told yourself to do.
Once you have the reason as to why you self-sabotage, you can find a way to work on it and improve. Most people need help with their self-discipline. I did, for a long time, and little by little I’m making progress with it. This may be the time to create a system (a step-by-step plan of sorts) of rewarding yourself whenever you achieve one of your goals, having an accountability partner, or setting boundaries with yourself (e.g: money-spending boundaries, phone screen time boundaries, etc.).
It’s really important that you set an intention or a purpose as to why you want to stop this self-sabotaging behavior that keeps you from doing things that you know are good for you. Whenever you are tempted to fall off track, remember the why.
With that said, I want to tell you to believe in yourself, and trust yourself to get you out of this self-sabotaging cycle. You are the person that will ultimately get you the life that you want. I’m not saying it’ll be a piece of cake, because you will have to put in effort to achieve it, but that’s what makes it all worth it.
Lots of Love,
LYA 🤎
Sources:
Dr. Chris Wilson at Positive Psychology