I’ve lost count of how many times I have frustratingly thought “I hate being a woman.” Sometimes the thought pops up when it’s that time of the month and I’m holding my stomach while crying out in pain, and it always happens when I’m walking on the streets at night with a crippling fear that won’t go away until I feel safe enough. It has also happened when someone mansplains what I just said, and when I see favoritism from male professors towards male students. However, as I was having my once-every-blue-moon self-care night, laying down on my freshly washed sheets, while listening to empowering music, I thought: “I really love being a woman.” Even with all the disadvantages and overwhelming situations women often face, there are good things too. In order to highlight those beautiful things (including the not-so-good ones), I asked UPRRP students to answer “What it means to be a woman”, and the answers ranged from complicated to downright empowering.
When it comes to the unpleasant side of being a woman, there were two answers that really made me stop and think. These simple-yet-complex answers given by two women who decided to remain anonymous, open the door for a lot of reflection: “Paranoia” and “Pain.” While I could dive into a never-ending explanation of why I have associated these words with women before, I will let other UPRRP students further expound on the relevance behind these words.
“To me, being a woman means that I am a world of complexities. That I won’t always be understood but I deserve to be, just as every other woman does. It means finding comfort in the women around meー mothers, friends, and strangers. It’s love and frustration.” – Elisa Ramírez, writer for Her Campus UPR.
“To me, being a woman means to rebel, to stand up to gender norms, and challenge societal constraints that limit the definition of womanhood. Basically, to be a woman is to define that womanhood for oneself.” – Andrea Capllonch, writer and editor for Her Campus UPR.
In other cases, being a woman translates to frustration and injustice. When we see how unfair this society can be for them, there’s an underlying rage that slips through our veins. It’s a constant emotion and feeling of the impotence of not being able to do enough, to make a change. Of looking at younger girls and wanting to change the world we live in so that they don’t have to face the ugly part of it. A student expressed this frustration in mind:
“It’s complicated to answer this question. I’d say it’s being in a constant love-hate relationship. There are days in which I just love being a woman and embracing femininity 100%. But the truth is that being a woman means constantly being aware, always hearing you’re not good enough, and having to go above and beyond to receive validation in the sense of being seen as an equal to a male counterpart within the same environment. This can be seen nowadays by the difference in pay between men and women. It really means having to work twice as hard because, even if we still have the same profession, title, or position, there’s still a gender wage gap. Additionally, women’s bodies have a tendency to be shamedー “she’s showing too much,” “her clothing is too tight,” “she looks like a slut.” All of this because of what? Because a woman has curves? Because God forbid a woman with big breasts wears a tank top in which people can confirm she… has breasts? This stigma that prevails to this day leads women to feel insecure just because they have a body. This topic reminds me of how girls are socialized and the way parents can unconsciously enforce misogyny. In our culture, it’s generally acceptable for a father to worry about her daughter not having boyfriends or casual sex. Is that all women have to offer in the eyes of men? These recurring thoughts within our patriarchal society make me hyper-aware of how I’m being treated and observe if it’s fair or not. Being a woman is tiring, but nevertheless, we are beautiful, determined beings who will do whatever it takes to achieve a fair and just society. F*ck the patriarchy.” – Alanys García Rivera
We have been living in a patriarchal society for a very long time. Its effects have created consequences that are hard to unlearn, but, no matter our gender, we’re all affected by it. Stereotypes and gender roles have been indoctrinated from the moment we are born. Unfortunately, our education hasn’t been fair to most of us, and a lot of people aren’t even aware of the box they have been shoved in. But, if there are so many downsides to being a woman, why did some of the UPRRP students answer that they wouldn’t change being a woman for anything else? Here are their explanations.
“For me, being a woman is challenging, yes, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Being a woman is not being afraid to be vulnerable, soft, or gentle. It’s also not being afraid to speak up when necessary. Being a woman is being a source of creation, beauty, and nurture. We encompass so much knowledge and empathy for others. Being a woman in a society like ours means being brave and taking the necessary steps to prove an age’s worth of misogynistic ideals wrong.“ – Ana S. Emmanuelli, writer for Her Campus at UPR
“Being a woman means carrying the weight of society on your shoulders. Being a woman is advancing through life while facing disparities and injustices for something that you did not choose. Being a woman is having to tolerate a patriarchal culture and misogynistic tendencies in order to not be viewed in a negative light. But oh, how I love being a woman. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Women are the smartest, funniest, and most creative people there are. Women have been able to survive in this patriarchal society and succeed despite the prejudices and injustices they face. Being a woman is being able to embrace your true beauty from within and expressing yourself with it. A woman doesn’t have a standard format or shell. No woman is the same. That is the beauty of being a woman.” – Anonymous
“To me, being a woman is being strong and prepared for whatever life throws at you. Being a woman is very hardー you have so many expectations, but at the same time, society puts so many limitations on you. Sometimes being a woman feels like a contradiction. You’re strong but soft, emotional but reserved, serious but fun, dependent but independent. Sometimes it means working twice as hard as men, but not even getting half the credit.“
“But I’d rather be a woman than be a man. ‘This is a man’s world, but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl.’ Being a woman is beautiful. It’s knowing that this world would be lost without you. Being a woman is finding beauty in the small things. Being a woman is knowing how to love differently; to paying attention to the people you know and caring for them on levels that frustrate us. Being a woman is giving second, third, and fourth chances and believing the best in people. I can’t relate being a woman to anything else but being ‘love.’” – Roxana
There are a lot of answers a woman can give when asked “What it means to be a woman,” but being the hopeless romantic that I am, I have to admit there’s a particular beauty to womanhood and sisterhood. To know that even when it gets difficult, there’s always the smile of a girl passing by, the random act of kindness from a stranger, the hug from a friend. Women have each other, and these final students express just that:
“To be a woman is to have sparks of connection at any given time with another woman. It could be while you’re both in a public bathroom, touching up your makeup, fixing your outfits, and hair. It could be when you and her are the only women in a classroom full of men. It could be when a woman compliments your nails, hair, or makeup. Being a woman means finding each other in sudden moments, and silently or not-so-silently giving each other support.” – Alejandra Merín
“It means to be loving, caring, strong, perseverant, and ambitious. It also means a sense of community. We almost always tend to easily care for others quickly and be there for each other. Whether it’s gifting a tampon or standing up to abusers for those who can’t. It’s love.” – Kari
“Being a woman is overpowering barriers that society endorses. It’s proving controlling expectations wrong. It’s empowering other women. It’s feeling proud of what I am and what I can become.” – Claudia S. Colón Rosa
“To me, womanhood means being strong and resilient.” – Anonymous
If you ask me, I would answer that being a woman means loving with everything that I have. To be a woman is to find comfort in the laughter of your girlfriends. It’s to feel the femininity of the moon and the masculinity of the sun flowing through you. It’s to run and feel like you’re born again as the air hits your face. It’s to cry at night while reading a book or watching a romantic movie. It’s to care when no one else does, to fight when everyone else gives up. Dear reader, what does it mean to be a woman? I’ll probably spend the rest of my life answering this question, always coming up with a different answer because, perhaps, being a woman is change itself.