There’s a small percentage of people that move out of our country to search for something better. Something better might be a job, an internship, a place to do their dream Master’s degree, it doesn’t matter…it is something they feel it’s better than here. That “small percent” isn’t that small after all, it is ever growing. It keeps growing each day and, whether you like it or not, someone you know is thinking about leaving this country or you could be having that thought. But God forbid you’re having that thought because it apparently means “you have given up”. This phrase has been thrown at me left and right and I have heard it being thrown to other people. I confess I threw it around too – in the past – and I now feel terrible about it.
It is a phrase that accuses someone of one of life’s most weakening experiences: giving up. Giving up is one of those things, like last year’s coat, that you just want to throw away. Giving up is like throwing up last night’s dinner, something you wish would go away. Giving up is like that bone you broke riding skateboard in middle school (even though your mom told you not to go out without pads), it’s something you don’t want to feel again. So, why is this phrase so annoying to hear? Because telling someone they have given up is like wrongly accusing them of robbery: they never want to hear it. Being falsely accused makes someone feel betrayed and therefore, being accused of giving up, feels like you betrayed them. Leaving this country, Puerto Rico, is not giving up. Sometimes, quite honestly, I believe that phrase – giving up – should be banned from the conversation entirely. The phrase “giving up” should be like your ex from middle school: banned from conversations without asking twice about it. The phrase “giving up” shouldn’t make you feel embarrassed (like those bangs you got Senior Year? oof!) but I know it does.
Searching for internships in Seattle, Chicago, Atlanta or Savannah instead of San Juan, Bayamón, Mayagüez and Guaynabo is most definitely not giving up. When you stand beside your parents or a family member while they search profusely for a job (most likely in Florida because let’s face it, we can’t stand the cold!) you never think about threatening them with the thought that they’re giving up. I know that hearing the words, “you’re leaving? and not coming back? Wow, you really have given up on your Isla…you’ve given up on your people,” are one of the most heartbreaking words you will probably hear. They’re probably the words you heard since you got that interview for that new position in Virginia. They’re the words you heard when you expressed your desire to move to New York. Those are the exact words, and let’s not forget the tone of disdain, you heard when you raved about the nice, cheap apartment you got 5 miles out of Downtown Orlando. And those are the exact words that make you go to your mom, dad or whoever you live with and ask: “Am I doing the right thing?”
I am here to tell you: YES.
Yes, you are doing the right thing when you open up your closet and decide that 75% percent of it? Can’t take it so you have to donate that stuff or throw it away. Yes, you are doing the right thing when you look at the apartment you’ve lived 4-5 years of your college life in and say: “Good riddance, it was nice living here,” and give the keys back to the landlord. Yes, you are doing the right thing when you gather up all your friends in a nice restaurant and have one last meal with them (even if the wine was a little bad and your best friend keeps crying in the bathroom). Yes, you are doing the right thing when your partner (of two years now) gives you an ultimatum and eventually – with tears in your eyes – you decide to end it because long distance was never an option between you. Yes, you are still doing the right thing when your family throws you a going away party and all your family keeps crying because they won’t see you in a long time (even if you promise Abuela that you’ll come home for Christmas).
Never accuse someone that moving away to live in the States – or anywhere else in the world – instead of staying is “giving up” because it means you’re not understanding how much it hurts. They know they’re giving up “the longest Christmas season in the whole world”. They know they’re giving up all of the chinchorros and “Secret Spots” for probably some Chick-Fil-A and quick trips to a beach that’s 5 hours away (not like Playa Sucia that’s two hours away). They know they’re giving up going on a 45-minute boat ride and ending up in Flamenco Beach, Culebra (where they know they’re giving up the best tan of their life). They still know they’re giving up the quick access to coquito, tembleque, arroz con gandules, pernil and all that good food that only our Mami’s and Abuela’s know how to make so well. They know they’re giving up mofongo and quick trips to Old San Juan and laying down in El Morro. Trust me, they know all the scenery they’re giving up.
They don’t need to be reminded of all they’re giving up when you tell them: “you’re a coward, you’re giving up and you’re going down an easier path.” Everybody – and I say everybody – should know that coming up with the conclusion of taking a decision so drastic as “let me pack up my life and leave” doesn’t come easy to the brain nor to the heart. So, in the same way you don’t like to be reminded of that class you failed during your college years – or high school ones as well- , please do not remind or accuse anyone of all they’re leaving behind when all they want is one thing: Success. Because, in all honesty, who are we to question the routes people take for their own, personal success?